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More mass shootings essential say US Republicans

Reading from a well-thumbed template, a Republican spokesman said 'It's important not to politicise this tragedy in... wherever it is this time. By politicise, we mean do anything to prevent the next round of eminently avoidable slaughter.'

'Thoughts and prayers, that's our shtick... but what we're thinking about and what we're praying for is more mass shootings, ideally school shootings, more often. That constant stream of suffering and death means we can always say there has been a shooting too recently to pass gun control laws right now.'

'The NRA say guns don't kill people, rappers do. Anyway, nothing boosts gun sales - and therefore political donations - like 24/7 gun coverage. You say far right extremist with mental health issues. We say just another responsible gun owner - also thanks for reminding us to cut mental health funding. Snowflakes.'

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