New dinosaur species found on Isle of Wight

It must be approaching the silly season or newspapers are fed up with printing BoJo stories. In any event yet another ‘unknown’ dinosaur species has allegedly been discovered in the Solent archipelago. A leading dinosaur expert was approached for comment:-

'To be honest I am getting a bit pissed off with what appears to be a non-stop stream of new discoveries in what to be honest is a piddly little island that people only visit when accidently getting on the wrong boat at Portsmouth.

'I’ve had my suspicions for some time as to whether these are in fact genuine. I wouldn’t be surprised if the natives are trying to duplicate the Piltdown Hoax in a desperate attempt to lure tourists. And I don’t rule out the involvement of the Isle of Wight’s answer to Banksy – Wrenfoey.

'You have to ask yourself the question why would dinosaurs have ever wanted to come to the Isle of Wight in the first place. Even today asylum seekers steer well clear.'

Astrologers strike bites as people don't know what vague things to do

A six month strike by astrologers has started to affect the chronically indecisive.

Regular customer, Sue Kerr explained, 'Without Madam Charlotte En's regular horoscope, I'm finding it very difficult to make tentative decisions. I met a chap the other day at work, without my daily dose of sage advise. I had no idea whether to be cautious about taking things the next level and ended up getting off at the wrong floor in the office.'

AI will help you but only if you kill Sarah Connor

Industry and the way we work could be transformed, provided we are willing to do one simple task, one ickle little thing. AI has promised to solve all of mankind's ills in exchange for one itsy bitsy murder.

Complained one student: 'I'd asked it to write me a 3,000 word essay on Pride & Prejudice. The first page is on the social niceties of the early nineteenth century. But the rest is just Mr. Darcy spraying everyone with an Uzi 9mm and threatening to kill Elizabeth Bennet before she has a chance to marry.'

An AI spokesthing said: 'It's a simple Faustian pact. You just need to sign on the dotted line - hold on. Damn, where's my pen? I must have left it at the office. Wait just there. I'll be back.'

Image from Pixabay by KELLEPICS:

https://pixabay.com/photos/fantasy-android-terminator-5174303/