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English Cricket is stumped by a report highlighting ‘racism, sexism, classism and elitism’. Both teams in a test cricket match are required to wear something literally called ‘whites’ – with the uniformity of the uniforms making an extra silly point.


One cricket aficionado awoke from a nap to say 'I declare it’s nice how the colonies can forget about all the conquering and the massacres of the indigenous population and the pillaging and have a nice civilised game of cricket. Cricket basically ended apartheid, you know. How’s that? Admittedly it took decades and isn’t really true, but you’re welcome!'


'Rain doesn’t stop racism - square legs and round holes and all that. Did that guy just say "googly"? Hilarious.'






Cameron Nobody - Independent


Count Binface - At This Rate We’re Going To Win Party


Piers Corbyn - Unthinkable Love Child Party


Laurence Fox - Reclaim Credibility Party


Chester Aubergine - Social Democratic (Same Manifesto Different Name) Party


Ed Gemmell - Sod The Economy & Welfare State We’re Just Interested In The Climate Party


Sarah Green - Blue Peter Party


Kingsley Hamilton - Financial Times


Richard Hewison - Rejoin EU (Another F#@king Referendum) Party


Boris Johnson - Official Monster Raving Loony Party


77 Joseph - Which AI Doombot Party


Rebecca Jane - UKIP Timewarp Party


Loretta - People’s Front of Judea


Leo Phaure - Daily Mail White Residence Rat-Catching Party


Ivor De’Ath-Whyshe - Conservative Party


Richard Pryor - None Of The Above




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