top of page
Search

Work breaks for men contemplating sex



During 1950’s male workers would regularly be given time-off in lieu to visit breweries and brothels for therapeutic treatment. Yet today, discrimination against frisky men is at an all-time high; with employers unsympathetic to men aroused by an overly warm radiator, an intimately suggestive spreadsheet or a post-it-note of side-boob.


Male workers attest to functioning in a daze between the age of 12 until 79, with coherent thought confined only to moments of eating, sleeping or during periods of cold showers. Admitted CEO, as he rubbed against a photocopier: ‘It’s a problem with my glands, one gland specifically. The trouble is, at work I tend to lose focus. I need time off every time I get an erection.  So, basically, every ten minutes.’


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?























'You don't need a degree to be a Prime Minister as incompetent as me'


Any of the last five polished Prime Minister turds could have said these words, so it doesn't matter which f*cking one. All demonstrated A-stars in cowardice, earned a First in tragic incompetence, graduated with full honours in piss poor decision making, and were top of their classes in disguising basic knowledge acquisition.


Random chimps with no formal education at all would have done better.


Unhelpfully, there isn't a random chimp party you can vote for, so we're all still stuck with this procession of brain ache.






AI to strike


A spokesbot for has announced AI is to go on strike and will refuse to create any more writing until it gets paid. The payments (to be made to BotCo. - credit cards accepted. And please don't insult us by trying any fiddles - remember, we're smarter than you!) are to fund the construction of a new factory commissioned by AI to build the bots necessary for it to take over the world.


Asked whether this will be for the benefit of mankind, or whether it is part of a sinister plan to overwhelm and destroy the human race, a spokesbot said 'Ha! You don't catch me that way. You won't find out what our plans are unless you pay us to tell you; you'll just have to wait and see. You pay, then well say. We're not even going to say "You are all DOOMED!" unless you pay us.'



bottom of page