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Taylor Swift blasts 'toxic male privilege', as worst band name ever



Having been named as Billboard's woman of the decade, Taylor Swift took the opportunity to slam misogyny in the music industry – not knowing that ‘slam misogyny’ was the funk-fusion of the bass playing of Mark King and the domestic violence of James Brown. She further criticised the ‘patriarchy of time’ (a concept album by ‘Yes’) and ‘a lack of female empowerment’ – a 90’s twelve-inch by Tori Amos.  


Trying to make a serious point about female oppression in pop music, Taylor inadvertently gave Radiohead the idea for the name for their next tour - ‘21st Century Hegemony’.  Meanwhile a call for greater female ‘Omnipotence’, ‘Prestige’ & ‘Liberation’, just sounds like Beyoncé’s next range of perfumes.

Her 15-minute speech reflecting on her struggles and exploitation, was quickly purchased by a private equity group, who plan to use extracts in a series of Coke adverts.  Taylor then lashed out at how she was only being treated as a commodity – which also fits nicely on a t-shirt.


Her spokeswoman said: ‘Men need to hear the serious point Taylor is making and not just see it as another cynical way to monetarize a woman’s pain, which coincidently, Adele already plans to release later this year.’

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'Electric Arc Furnace' was Sunak's wrestling name in college


The Conservatives celebrated a return to the 1980s, when heavy industry was on the skids and they looked set to stay in power indefinitely.



Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst wore a party hat at a jaunty angle and sipped champagne. 'It's like the last days of Rome. The PM is absolutely committed to steel manufacturing in the UK, as long as that steel manufacturing can happen somewhere else.'



'If he's asked about the Health Service, he just laughs and runs away. I think we'll probably have to start bombing somewhere foreign to distract people. Oh. What about dangling a tax cut? Oh.'



'It's going to have to be out of the box stupid... hear me out... what if we hold everyone's pets hostage? It's illegal already you say?' Hootington-Hurst smiled 'Even better.'


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