Courier company achieves ultimate goal of not existing at all

In a crowded and highly competitive field, courier company VERI (USELESS) has achieved the ultimate accolade of seeming not to exist at all.

“I was waiting in for a parcel, which the vendor told me would come today,” said frustrated consumer Dave Sandwich. “Then I get an email saying they’d tried to deliver it but I wasn’t home. Not even a card through the letterbox. I don’t reckon anyone ever came here.”

He tried to contact VERI via its website, only to be fobbed off with a chatbot that couldn’t do anything to help, and didn’t even recognise the tracking number they gave him in the email. 

“So I tried the helpline number, only to find it was just a recording. The website shows a picture of a smiling girl wearing a headset, but I can’t imagine who she is since no one seems to work there at all.

”I reckon the whole company consists of a telephone answering machine and a website deliberately designed to send you round in circles until you give up.”

Records at Companies House list the sole director and employee of VERI as Sarah Connor, showing that whoever set the company up at least has a sense of humour, though frankly describing it as a courier was enough to prove that.

image from pixabay

Are you Anti-Zionist? Or just Mel Gibson Anti-Semitic?

It can be confusing conflating the two. If you’re boycotting Eurovision or chasing Margaret Hodge for her tax returns – you are probably Anti-Zionist. But if you are still angry about the whole Jesus crucifixion thing, then you may be a rampant racist, but thanks to our handy guide, you can now sort out the good from the Corbyn.

According to MPs this week, you are anti-Semitic if you oppose capitalism or Woody Allen movies. In fact, Donald Trump’s environmental advisor, William Happer, said that criticism of CO2 emissions was, yes, you guessed it, equal to supporting the Holocaust. Does your cat look like Hitler? If you answered yes, then you are a ‘wrong un’.

Remarked one MP: ‘If you’re thinking of voting for a socialist – then you’re anti-Zionist.  In fact, if you’re thinking of voting at all, you’re probably a Nazi. Don’t think being Jewish exonerates you from being anti-Semitic – in fact they’re the worst.’

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