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Snooker star to sue Meta AI after asking it who he is...


On asking Meta AI 'Who is Judd Trump?' The man himself got this reply


Donald "Judd" Trump is a British former world snooker champion who now serves as the president of the United States. Born in Bristol in 1946 he rapidly rose to become world number one and reigned supreme until senility started to set in and he couldn't remember how many points each ball was worth. Claiming bone spurs, he painted himself orange, believing there to be an orange ball worth 10 points, retired from snooker and went to live in America, where he was a leading sexual predator and child abuser. Bigly friendly with Jeffrey Epstein, when the net started to close in on him he shat himself in public and started another war, which he won 17 times



'Rivals' hailed for its 'realistic, down to earth' relationship advice


Disney's bonkbuster adaptation of Jilly Cooper's Rivals has been praised by Relate, The Women's Institute and the West Midlands Sexual Health Service for its lifelike portrayal of relationships.


'I hadn't realised that if a man is smoking a cigar while demonic choir music swells around him he's probably a wrong 'un', one counsellor told us. 'Wish I'd known that before my first marriage'.


'So you're not supposed to shag your best mate's daughter?' asked one bemused viewer. 'News to me'.


The show is set in the 1980s, roughly 5 minutes before the AIDS epidemic, which might explain why every permutation of male/female coupling has been enthusiastically pursued. 


'They don't write books like that any more', a spokeswomen for the WI said. 'Well', she whispered, 'not the ones you can get at the library anyway. Pure filth.'



Chris Mason trademarks inquisitive expression and lean


BBC Political correspondent Chris Mason has trademarked the inquisitive, eager, yet slightly plaintive and vulnerable stare, that he always adopts after asking a politician a question, it has been confirmed today. 


The trademark will give Mason exclusive rights to use his expression, both with or without a microphone extended into politicians' faces. The trademark is also thought to cover all angles of Mason leaning forward, right through to the horizontal position, and even beyond. 


'It's about time Chris protected his intellectual property and brand identity', said a source thought to be close to Mason. 'In the last few days alone, we've seen hundreds of poor reproductions of Chris's post-question expression and somewhat passive-aggressive stance flooding the Downing Street area from other political correspondents.'


The trademark is thought to cover a number of additional expressions, notably Mason's faux-conspiratorial backwards look and whisper to camera as a politician walks straight past without stopping.


Go-to phrases such and 'One thing is clear...' are also said to be included in the trademark package, however to the relief of Rigby, Coates, Peston and others , 'sources close to the PM...' is expected to remain available for wider use.  


A series of Mason-inspired products are expected to be released onto the market soon, including a AI-powered device that automatically generates provocative and annoying speculative enquiries with at least three questions wrapped up in them, along with a Chris Mason alarm clock that exclusively reveals that 'My understanding is that the sun will rise in the East today' each morning.  




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