top of page
Search

Britain "could export its ice to North Pole and save glaciers"




Millions of people around the country have pledged to give up cooling their beverages for the next month and send the ice cubes to the the polar regions to replace the melting glaciers. Using an image of a polar bear asking, "Is your iced tea really necessary?", climate activists hope to name and shame people who continue to cool their drinks. The first ship of ice is expected to leave Southampton for the Arctic next week.



Drinkers were horrified to learn that a piece of ice the size of Albania was being lost every day to climate change. "It's exciting to think you're doing something to save the planet", says David King, 31, as he sips his lukewarm gin and tonic in a London bar. "It's the least I can do". He hopes the Inuits can use his cubes to build igloos.



However, Tory backbencher Sir Evan Moore urges caution: "This climate change nonsense has gone too far. Send off enough ice cubes and you've got an iceberg. Remember the Titanic".




First published 14 Nov2022


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?















Parking in hedges to be made illegal in Bridgewater



Under plans drawn up by Bridgewater Town Council, motorists leaving their cars half way up a hedge will face a fine of up to £100. It is currently not an offence to leave your car sticking out of the Hawthorn or Privet in most areas of England although it is frowned upon in parts of Surbiton.


A spokesman for the council said that hedge parking was becoming an increasing nuisance in rural areas. “These motorists don’t understand the damage they cause to nesting birds and the possibility of livestock escaping.” Anyone swerving down a narrow lane after ten pints of Sui Cider is encouraged to up-end their car in a ditch rather than plough through the hedge.


Car owners in areas of high flood risk are expected to be exempt from the plans.






First published 13 Nov 2023


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?















Russia leaves giant wooden horse behind in Kherson as goodwill gesture to Ukraine




Retreating Russian troops have left behind an enormous wooden horse in the city of Kherson as a gesture of goodwill, it has emerged. Russian military sources confirmed that the giant wooden horse has been left as a gift to the Ukrainians as a reward for their superior fighting ability.


‘It looks like the Russians have left the city’ confirmed Ukrainian general Ivan Bondarenko.


‘At first we were very suspicious that their very public announcement of such an embarrassing retreat may have been some kind of Russki trap, but other than the wooden horse they’ve left behind in the centre of the city there’s no sign of them’.


Meanwhile, Russian leader Vladimir Putin has confirmed that due to the logistical difficulties with supplying the front line he decided to withdraw his troops from the city.


‘Sometimes you just have to admit when you’re beat’ Putin told Russian TV.


‘We’re definitely not up to anything sneaky or underhand, no way. We’ve just left behind a giant wooden horse because we thought Ukraine might like to keep it as a memento of their great victory in Kherson, we also left a bottle of Prosecco and a tin of Quality Streets. There’s nothing more to it than that’ continued Putin raising a pinkie finger to his lips.


However, locals in Kherson have warned advancing Ukrainian troops to be wary of a trap.


‘They’re definitely up to something’ says Kherson resident 88-year-old Anastasia Melnyk.


’ You can hear people talking loudly and singing Russian folk songs. Also every 5 minutes a trap door on the underside opens and you can see them taking a piss and throwing out empty bottles of Vodka’.


‘Apart from that it’s a pretty good plan’.




First published 12 Nov 2022


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?















bottom of page