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DI Dave Hanson investigates romance scams for the National Crime Agency. ‘It’s a pretty unpleasant crime’, he told NewsBiscuit. ‘Typically a victim will fall for an AI-generated image and a hard luck story and soon they’re sending thousands of pounds abroad to help the “love of their life” relocate to the UK – except the person doesn’t exist.


‘It’s humiliating for the victim and we never catch anybody because they’re abroad and they’ve got computers. You can’t expect us to compete with that. So we’ve shifted emphasis towards making victims feel better. Our analysis shows that most scams cost between £7k and £12k, whereas an average wedding these days is £25k and that’s before you weigh up birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries etc. If anything, we should be thanking the scammers. So I’ve nominated the most prolific romance scam group for a King’s Award for Industry. It’ll be interesting to see if they turn up to collect the medal.’





Has the conversation gone stilton at the Christmas dinner table? As dry as that turkey? Just go round trying to say these words out loud while you all get totally smashed. It's as contagious as herpes and more addictive than gambling-cocaine.


moyder


- If you're thinking Max from Hart to Hart, then you're too old for this shit. Nope. Not a New Yok accent. Not Bwoston ether either. It's north Nuw Jorsey.


poyfect


- Is it Rosemary, the telephone operator? From Hong Kong Phooey?


foyst


- Taxi. Any of 'em, really.


cwoffee


- Janice from Friends. Finally, a character we've actually heard of. And for aficionados, Janice Litman-Goralnik (née Hosenstein). Thank you, Wikipedia.


Or the secretary from Ghostbusters who shouts out 'We got one!'


poyjoymers


- Trickier. Only give this one a whirl if you're feeling you're better at this than anyone who ever lived. And you want to sound hard in a reindeer onesie.


strip soych


- Any charming ICE agent you happen to encounter.


Happy Christmas. To your mother.



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