Debating gun control is constitutional; changing our minds is not, NRA confirms

The National Rifle Association (NRA) has reminded America its central belief in the sanctity of the Second Amendment cannot change, as doing so would result in a society worse than one in which anyone could shoot anyone else.

“The Constitution essentially comes down to: life is sacrosanct, but the Second Amendment is even more so. You can’t have an abortion, even if the mother’s life is at risk, but you can’t have state-funded life-saving healthcare either. Also torture is fine unless you’re one of us.”

The NRA spokesperson added: “I admit we’re probably changing our minds about martyrdom, on which we’ve been fairly silent up till now, if only because it will strengthen our grounds for not changing our minds.”

image from pixabay

writer: sketchedbyboz

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Farage running out of shell companies

The leader of Reform Ltd is understood to be running out of shell companies to not run businesses from.  To date he appears to have at least three shell companies, possibly six, which don't appear to do anything, make anything or show signs of solvency.

At least two appear to have been put on winding up procedures before apparently being put on unwinding up procedures (winding down?), with at least one run, seemingly badly, by the girlfriend that did and didn't buy the house he doesn't use as a constituency home despite claiming he bought it as a constituency home several times until someone noticed he hadn't paid a stamp duty surcharge on it. 

Luckily for Mr Farage, his girlfriend, who doesn't appear to have an income, had nearly £1 million pounds in her bank account so she was able to pay cash.  Presumably he will be able to claim to heat the house from his expenses for the times he's not in it.

image from pixabay

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Nation's Cats keeping an eye on something funny going on in living room corner

A spokescat for the Nation's cats today reported that they think something funny is going on in the corner of the living room and they're going to keep an eye on it.

"We sensed a change in temperature, or movement, maybe even a very subtle sound", said Tiddles MacFluffy Trousers of Hayes, "it's probably nothing but we're going to stare at the corner of the room for 2 hours. Y'know, just in case." Mr MacFluffy Trousers pointed out that past investigations had uncovered a large spider in Bolton (which was promptly eaten), an escaped iguana in Penrith (which was paw batted repeatedly for looking weird), and a window ajar in Plymouth that caused a curtain to imperceptibly move. The unfortunate latter incident caused an involuntary case of the zoomies resulting in spilled tea and crying toddler.

It was also pointed out that a low guttural growl maybe emitted at anytime and this may or may not be the warning of a spiritual presence such as a poltergeist, possessing demon or Richard Branson.

image from pixabay

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