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Are You the Abuser of Someone Who Has Been Abused by You? A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding Out

Alba Late
Jul 14

Are You the Abuser of Someone Who Has Been Abused by You? A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding Out

These days, it seems increasingly common to come across people who may have been abused by you. Maybe they were taken advantage of because of your position of power, or perhaps they were manipulated by you, humiliated by you, insulted by you, infantilized by you, gaslit by you—or, why not say it—also murdered by you.

But… how can you really tell if YOU have killed someone who was murdered by YOU?

Well, first things first: stay calm. Self-blame helps no one. Do you even have any proof? One can never predict when someone you’re about to attack will decide to be attacked by you. Losing your cool and accusing yourself of having abused someone who has been abused by you is simply not reasonable.

Watch for the signs that might indicate whether you may or may not be abusing someone who is currently being abused by you.

1. Fear of retaliation

Abusers can sometimes fear retaliation from the person being abused by them—be it in the form of police reports or public shaming in their social circles. These days, anyone can be abused by you and, even without being able to prove it, can go ahead and accuse you on social media of, indeed, abusing them.

This might make you feel that not abusing could put your status as an abuser at risk.

Do you feel like you can’t stop coercing or manipulating that person or their network? Are you afraid that if you do stop, you’ll discover that you’ve actually been a pathetic little turd your whole life, and that your way of keeping a job, maintaining friendships, entering relationships, climbing the ladder, and generally co-existing with the world has been through bullying, manipulation, and deceit?

Then you might actually have abused that person.

2. Shame and guilt

A complete lack of shame or guilt after committing abuse is a strong indicator that YES, you have abused someone who has been abused by you. This lack of remorse often leads to self-justification, or even to claiming the victim “likes it” and was basically “begging for it.”

If the victim stays strong, the abuser might develop ThisIsBullshit Syndrome: an overwhelming indignation toward the victim for daring to find ways to defend themselves.

Do you feel like you can’t abuse anyone anymore without them feeling abused? Is your lack of shame so deep that you actively try to limit the victim’s means of defence?

Hmmmm… then it’s very likely you are the abuser of someone who has been abused by you.

3. Social stigma

Society often stigmatizes abusers, cancelling and blaming them—get this—for abusing.

This sometimes causes abusers to fear social judgment and dedicate their entire professional careers to writing books, producing documentaries, joining talk shows, and starting anti-abuse political parties, all with the noble goal of discrediting and cancelling the hard work of other abusers, thereby aligning themselves with their victims.

In this way, the abuser builds the perfect alibi to ensure no one ever suspects that they too might be abusers.

This stigmatization can even lead some abusers to become abusephobes, spreading irrational fear and panic around the figure of the abuser.

Is that you? Don’t panic. Ask yourself: Do I have something to hide?

If the answer is yes, then you’re probably an abuser who doesn’t want to be exposed for fear of being judged as such.

Don’t be afraid! Be brave and unleash your inner sociopath!

4. Misunderstandings on both sides

Sometimes a person who has been abused by you didn’t mean to be abused, bless them.

It might have been a simple misunderstanding—on both your part and theirs—that occurred during a moment of heightened emotion. And well… if you’re the abuser, then you’re the abuser. No need to get all picky or blow things out of proportion.

Nowadays, prisons are quite comfortable anyway—they feed you and give you a bed, all paid for by the public! Pretty sweet deal, actually. So no whining, okay?

In summary...

It’s essential to recognize the red flags of a person who is being abused by you and seek help immediately.

We know it’s hard—judges and police often won’t listen to you. Just look at prisons: they’re full of abusers!

Why? Because abusers clearly live in a disadvantaged position compared to their victims.

But don’t let that stop you from continuing to abuse, brother.

Speak your truth on prime-time talk shows, find support among other abusers, and most importantly, never give up hope.

If you’re feeling really down, just think about the stats: while only 1% of the global population qualifies as psychopathic, all of them are in positions of power.

Hope that makes you feel better!

Image: jhusemannde - Pixabay

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Are You the Abuser of Someone Who Has Been Abused by You? A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding Out

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