The Prime Minister seemed genuinely surprised that his party had picked up less votes than a UK Eurovision Entry. 'It's almost as people hate what we have done,' he remarked as he strangled a puppy and threw it onto his pile of other dead puppies. 'But our policies make lives better,' he quipped as he shot a passing Nun and drop kicked an owl.
With all the lack of self reflection of a vampire, the PM doubled down on his austerity/genocide vibe. 'Voters adore a sanctimonious authoritarian, who is constantly on the take and is a compulsive liar to boot,' he said as he casually hit a wheel chair with mallet. 'I'm like that line manager who insists everyone works weekends, while embezzling the staff pensions - who doesn't love that guy?
'Anyway,' he snorted, as he set fire to an orphanage. 'They say you get beaten by Farage twice in your careeer, once on the way up...'
