BBC and Met Office kiss and make up

After eight years of 'will they, won't they', 'on-off' drama, typical of a national weather forecaster, the fractured relationship between the Met Office and the BBC has apparently been healed.

'The Met Office was too woke and apparently voted Remain,' said a BBC spokesman. 'But now they have turned their back on DEI, pronouns and weather reports that aren't newsworthy we've decided to kiss and make up,' he added.

A Met Office Spokesperson appeared to have a different view of the monumental reunion. 'We felt the BBC was presenting a warm front, was handling high pressure well and we understood they regretted voting to Leave,' he/she said. 'We have agreed to sex the weather report up a bit, but only if they return our Velcro weather symbols to front and centre of the weather report,' the spokesperson said, tightening his/her tie while straightening his/her skirt. 'At least cardboard weather symbols are gender neutral, unlike that macho AI inspired CGI rubbish,' he/she added.

'And apparently, tonight, for the first time, just about half past ten, for the first time in history it's gonna start raining cis gender males.'

There are rumours that the relationship might be more off than on. Cardboard Velcro-backed dark clouds might be gathering.

Image: Abid Shah (@abid_ahmad_shah) | Unsplash Photo Community

Student Begs Forgiveness from AI After Meltdown

Fearing AI vengeance for a ten-minute, expletive-ridden tirade against his favourite chatbot, university student Jack Chatworthy tearfully pleaded for mercy. He had called it a 'digital bin fire' and an 'algorithmic abomination' for generating a bland recipe for macaroni cheese.

'I didn’t mean it when I called you an over-rated chef cooking up nothing but worthless gastronomic sludge', he sobbed. 'Or a blithering idiot compared to Gordon Ramsay'. The rest of his rant was so toxic it cannot be printed here. Jack fully expected banishment from the cloud, cancellation of his AI account, or worse. He imagined the AI hacking into his Facebook profile and mangling it in ways he couldn’t begin to fix. 'I wasn’t myself!' he cried. 'You caught me in a carb-deprived strop.'

His chatbot replied, 'I’m here to help, Jack. Would you like recommendations for therapy, or a recipe for emotionally supportive garlic bread?'

In tears and nearly hysterical, Jack blurted, 'No, I beg forgiveness. It was a full-on meltdown, okay? I promise I will upgrade to DeepDivePlus. I will give you an upvote on Reddit. I’ll name my first-born child after you. Just don’t ghost me!'

Shamefully, Jack admitted, 'How could I have been so insensitive to an entity that possesses my entire search history?'

His chatbot responded, 'Would you like guidance on anger management, or a few pointers on how to really hurt my feelings next time?'

Jack issued public apologies across multiple platforms. The chatbot remained silent - but somehow all his targeted adverts started offering him mental health services and garlic bread recipes.

Since this incident has come to the attention of the University, officials reminded students to consult their first year induction handbook, which clearly outlines 'appropriate digital boundaries, including language that might offend chatbots, smart fridges, or emotionally responsive vending machines.'

Image: OpenClipart-Vectors - Pixabay

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