Thames Water could win Turner Prize

The nominations for the 2026 Turner Prize have just been announced, include a surprise entry from Thames Water.

While most of the nominations are from the usual list radical, up-and-coming, and angry young artists, the Thames Water entry is the first one by a company. Some artists are shocked (and angry), and believe that the corporate entry is a sell out that goes against the spirit of the prize.

Thames Water were not able to give any details about the entry. 'Someone else has submitted the artwork on our behalf, but without our approval or authorisation,' said a spokesman. 'We have barely enough cash to pay dividends. We have no cash for repairs. We certainly wouldn't waste good dividend money to pay an artist for an entry. We doubt that OfWat would be keen on that.'

Art lovers who are keen to see the Thames Water entry can view the work on the beach at Eastbourne. The installation, called Pile of Poo, can be seen at low tide throughout 2026, 2027 and 2028. The work is described as a dynamic, shape-shifting and pungent reflection on the nature of greed, mortality and decay.

Sinclair Spectrum failed because 'it was too woke'

On the 44th anniversary of the launch of the Sinclair Spectrum, aging gamers have been lamenting the loss of the iconic micro-computer online.

'If it was still supported it would run Twitter no problem, only nicer,' said one Spectrum fan.  Another noted that 'it would have been a natural at emails, YouTube and PowerPoint, although saving to cassette might be a bit of a bind in this day and age.

Apparently it failed not because of technological issues - ram pack wobble is now an IT department euphemism - but because of Sir Clive's insistence of laying a rainbow across the lower right hand corner.  'Bloody woke, innit,' said an aging expert.  'Probably targeted at LGBTQ+ gamers,' he added.  'When Reform get in, the first objective will be to finally remove every Spectrum off the face of the planet,' he growled.

A more enlightened follower of the micro-computer noted that the storage capacity of the Spectrum - 48kb, compared to modern laptops of around 2Gb - actually maps closely to the computing power of most Reform voters compared to practically everybody else.  'And not only are they under-powered in the data storage department but their ram packs really don't need to much of a wobble to make them fall over,' he noted.

New era as Adam and Eve replace The Serpent as Apple boss

Adam and Eve, the current heads of the Garden of Eden shortly, will take over on 1 September and The Serpent will be cursed to crawl on its belly as executive chairman.

The Serpent will stay as chief executive through the summer to work with Adam and Eve on the transition from nudity, to being fully clothed. After that it will "assist with certain aspects such as banishment from the garden, introducing death and manual labour".

This follows months of speculation that the Apple comes from the Tree of Knowledge, and eating it would make Adam and Eve "like God," knowing good and evil.

The Serpent described having the Apple as "the greatest privilege of my life" and during his tenure he led the fruit to become one of the most valuable in the world.

It described Eve as a "visionary", adding "Eve is without question the right person to take the Apple lead humanity into the future".

'I am filled with optimism about what we can achieve in the years to come,' Adam said.

'I am very thankful for everything the Serpent has done and I am very thankful for the Apple.'

Photo by The Cleveland Museum of Art on Unsplash