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With fuel prices set to rise, the world is expected to don its leather biker gear and fight to the death for the last drop of unleaded. Advice is to redesign your wardrobe for airflow, spikes, and intimidation.

In a joint statement released earlier this afternoon, the virtues Decency and Credibility have confirmed they have cut all ties with the current government and are taking legal steps to ensure the split remains permanent, or until there is a change of administration. Credibility said: 'The writing has been on the wall for some time now, and in all honesty I knew when Boris Johnson became Prime Minister I was going to be badly compromised. The man has no scruples whatsoever an

Donald Trump will personally clear the Strait of Hormuz using only his enormous mouth - the mouth is one of the largest natural phenomena in the western hemisphere.

Yet more pictures of Donald Trump raising a fist to knock on thin air have been revealed by the press, leading to further questions about his mental fitness.

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Following on from the furore surrounding Chancellor Rishi Sunak's wife's non-dom tax avoidance status, The Leader of The House of Commons, Jacob Rees-Mogg, has told a newspaper that he's been a paid practitioner of a deviant sexual practice involving bondage and flagellation, colloquially referred to as submission/domination, or, sub/dom for short, without declaring his earnings to the Inland Revenue. Speaking in The Sunday Times, Mogg, a devout Catholic, admitted: 'I've been

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Local glue factories are said to be furious.

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Police are investigating multiple reports of 'aggravated livestock worrying' in the Romney Marsh area, following claims that local flocks have been subjected to 'prolonged and distressing geopolitical rhetoric.'

For the first time in 400 years, a family of beavers have been released into the Strait of Hormuz. Nothing funny about beavers. No sir.

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Following Boris Johnson's trip to Kyiv and his promise to assist Zelenskiy with more weapons, the Met Police have sent almost their entire stock of fixed penalty notices to Ukraine. It is expected these will be put on Russian tanks parked on double yellow lines. As a consequence, the force has so far only been able to issue 50 fines to low-ranking Partygategoers. The Met was unable to to say when it expects to get further supplies to replenish its stock, as they are apparentl