Santa is tightening his belt after checking his pay slip, twice, and finding his salary has not risen. His per hour rate is the same as last Christmas, a mince pie and a glass of whisky. Elves, on the other hand, but have seen a slight bump in average pay compared to last year with twice much being provided in the four main food groups, candy, candy canes, candy corn, and syrup . A spokesdeer for the Union of Santa's Distributor and Reindeer (USDAR), Red Rudolf, admitted pile

.

Faced with a five billion dollar legal claim from Donald Trump, the BBC has closed down.  'The BBC has no assets to speak of,' said a spokesman.  'Even the test card is owned by someone else.  There's nothing left.' Now that the BBC has closed down, Donald Trump will not be able to recover any damages, and the BBC will not defend the case.  Viewers need not worry, however.  All of the BBC's staff will be taken on by a completely unrelated new body called BBC (2025) Limited. 

There is always one thing at Christmas that turns out to be the ‘must have’ present and is nowhere to be found. Remember searching for that Tracy Island toy, or Pokémon, or Cabbage Patch dolls? Everyone is afflicted, even the Prime Minister.  Keir Starmer’s top team are scouring all the shopping centres inside the M25 on his behalf.  And Keir himself has taken a long lunch break to search the shops on Oxford Street in London.  All to no avail. Keir is desperately searching fo

DAB Day - the day after Boxing Day - is to be made a bank holiday, the Government has announced. 'For decades British voters - er -...

.

.

.

The Russian foreign minister Sergey Lavrov has offered Russian help in the announced enquiry into foreign interference. 'It is a terrible thing if a Sovereign State's business is interfered in,' he said today, 'and it looks like the UK might have UK politicians involved. You won't know who to trust, so it's best to let an independent country run your investigation.  We in Russia will be happy to help, we'll look at all the evidence available about your politicians, in fact we

Here is our seasonal medley of Christmas cracker jokes. Some of them are traditional favourites. And some of them are home groan... Q. What's the best way to steal treacle? A. Syruptitiously Q. What do shepherds put on their walls? A. Flock wallpaper Q: What is the most common owl in Britain? A: The "teet" Q. What's the most common owl in America? A. The superb Q. Why did the crow join the fitness class? A. To improve his caw strength. Q. What's E.T. short for? A. Because h

.

The Head of NATO said he was super excited to get play with Action Men figures, once his wish for WWIII comes true. Singing a rendition of O Come All Ye Soldiers and Jingle Shells, he declared that Europe must go to war with Russia, if he is to meet his appraisal targets. He said Santa’s Shock and Awe would ensure that Slay Bells Ring, while he encouraged all NATO members to Deck the Halls with Boughs of Ammo. When asked if he thought a winter offensive would be a good idea,

Due to essential maintenance payments needed over the festive season, British politicians are going to be unable to catch the gravy train.  Luckily the government has arranged for a bribe replacement service to be implemented so that the grift keeps on coming. The replacement service is available to local and national level politicians of all political parties.  A government spokesman insisted that all bribes are eligible for Grift Aid, meaning that the taxpayer will chip in

Nurses are striking to get slightly-better-than-terrible pay and conditions for their essential and difficult job. Unfortunately the...

.

.