Seeing how Sir Keir Starmer and his fellow hitmen in Downing Street have killed off civil servants' careers while consistently saying they were following "full due process", Hollywood studios have bought the words to use in remakes of their most violent "pop-a-cap-in-his-ass" flicks. "'Full due process' has become a death sentence for anyone in British politics who No. 10 decides to blame for the Mandelson fiasco," said a Hollywood spokes-mogul. "These words are chilling, eve

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With firefights erupting in a breakaway region between Ukraine and Moldova, the inventors of Theatresports have proposed a great new improvisational schtick called: 'What the Heck is Happening in Transnistria?' Players respond to that prompt. Ukraine celebrated the announcement and began the game with an ironic response: 'Transnistria can’t be at war with us, because it doesn’t exist. Realistically that land is just a part of Russia.' Unexpectedly, the Transnistrian head of

Recently released biopic “Adolf”, which purports to tell the true story of a young Austrian artist, has been criticised for glossing over the darker aspects of its subject’s character. “Watching this film, you’d think he was nothing more than a rather conservative painter, unfairly turned away by the Vienna Academy of Arts,” said one critic. “It’s no surprise to learn the Hitler estate had creative control over the project. They’ve left out everything that might make his fans

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Extreme masculinity trends have been likened to the devastating effects of supporting a bunch of genocidal crooks. And destroying yourself to appear more manly, sounds like Labour's foreign policy. A man who crushed his testicles in a vice said it was like meeting Yvette Cooper for the first time. Another said being pumped full of illegal steroids was less risky than trusting Wes Streeting with the NHS. One man, who'd had his brains smashed out with a polo mallet, was asked h

Sir Keir Starmer has been resisting pressure for a parliamentary inquiry into his handling of the Mandelson affair by dismissing the former ambassador as "just a poltical stunt". "This is games playing by the Conservatives," the PM's office told the media. "The Prime Minister has no intention of appearing before a Commons committee on account of a Machiavellian stunt like Peter." Several cabinet minister still loyal to Starmer appeared on morning news programmes also to decla

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In future, subscribers to Twitter will no longer have to compose their own posts. Simply log on, and the medium will automatically write and post your tweet for you. But what if the tweet is not what I think? Don't worry, AutoTwitter will tell you what to think. I'm not sure I like the idea of that. Look, AutoTwitter will tell you whether you like it or not, OK? No! I don't. *Posted*: YES..I..THINK..THIS..IS..A..REALLY..GOOD..IDEA..! www.newsbiscuit.com First published 2

Security forces had no choice but to release the armed man who attempted to assassinate US President Donald Trump after he claimed he was only trying to bring about ‘regime change’ at the head of US politics. The gunman pointed out that either killing or kidnapping elected leaders of foreign countries was exactly how the USA chose to bring about regime change at the top and was only following Donald Trump’s lead. After a brief discussion behind closed doors White House offici

An impatient public are unimpressed by Sabastian Sawe's world record and have demanded that he up his game. Said one bored spectator, 'Once you've broken the two hour mark, surely the next landmark is one hour? Trimming minutes off it is bull$hit, he's not trying. Has he thought about sprinting instead of jogging?' To help him, the public have made useful suggestions, such as running down hill, trying half the distance or even a relay? There is a growing sense that the marath

(Los Angeles) Citing a recent dramatic spike in gas prices, leaders of several Los Angles Crips and Bloods sets say they will now share rides for some gang related activities, including drive bys. ‘We might not follow the law in many cases, but we are subject to economic laws just like everyone else,’ said Leeron “Li’l Money’ Waters, an economic advisor for the Crips. Many Bloods agree. ‘Affordability is real; the struggle is real,” said a Bloods member on the condition of an