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B52s needed to protect the voting booths

Writer: Throngsman
Throngsman
45 minutes ago

President Trump has denied that the US Air Force has been spooked by three Transit vans and five guys syphoning petrol.  The relocation of the B52 bomber fleet is more to do with illegal voting than being scared of Iran.  Honestly.


'Iran isn't an issue for the United States,' he said today, 'but illegal voting is.'  There is little, if any, evidence of meaningful voting crime in the US, and the President thinks dropping nuclear bomb on potential Democrat voting queues would completely eliminate it.


'I accept a few misguided Democrat voters might be collateral damage,' the President said, 'but my advisor in Moscow says this is the only way we can guarantee there aren't any false votes cast.' 


President Vladimir Putin wasn't available for comment.



Image credit: ChatGPT



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Rural Gloucestershire warns of B-52 threat to tea-shops

Writer: rogt
rogt
Mar 13

Tea-shop owners in Gloucestershire and beyond are annoyed by the arrival of US B-52 bombers at RAF Flatford which they say are causing their teacups to rattle and, in some cases, fall on the floor.


Polly Smith who runs the Hippity Hoppity café in the village, said: “Our whole cottage trembles when they take-off. You haven’t seen or heard anything like it. The thatch is starting to lift too. I know there’s a war on, but have some respect.”


Farmers report problems too. “Our dairy cattle don’t like the noise at all,” said Kevin Barbour. “Their milk is not so much homogenised, as traumatised.”


The giant airplanes, the largest in the US Airforce, often fly low over the Cotswolds because President Trump likes the sound of Upper and Lower Slaughter. “Maybe that’s where we should send the new Khamenei,” he told reporters. “One minute he’s here, then he’s scone – we’ll let him have cream and jam before we Upper and Lower Slaughter him.”


Café owners report problems with another group too – airplane enthusiasts. “They come in, swinging their giant lenses as if they own the place,” said Jenny Martin. “But I’ll admit they did help with something. I’ve been trying to work out how many cups I’ve lost since the Yanks arrived. One of photographers said ‘does this help?’, and he showed me a picture of the head of the plane. Just next to the door were his ‘kills’, little paintings of my cups! I’m still waiting to hear from the White House. They were from John Lewis too.”





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