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Getting political messages out to all age groups became more difficult with the advent of the Interweb, a spokestwat from a Tufty Club think tank told Newsbiscuit. “Fewer people are buying newspapers these days; and political parties are appallingly bad at engaging the electorate on social media, because that relies on two-way conversations, which inevitably end up in tears. What’s needed is a return to good old-fashioned TV messaging. People used to shout at politicians on the telly, but nobody ever heard what they said, so overall, TV messaging was very effective.”


Analysts who have studied viewing habits and demographics in detail for decades, believe the Tory party is missing a trick by ignoring the captive audience that Playschool was intended for – essentially people with little experience of real life, do sod all to contribute, but expect the world to be handed to them on a plate.


“To be frank,” said one, “this year’s Tory conference was largely comprised from bits of old Playschool scripts, so it wouldn’t be like the BBC could get accused of bias.”


image from pixabay


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Since the BBC replaced its damning insight into catastrophically appalling governance during the past decade with a lovely fluff piece about what Jacob Rees-Mogg prefers for breakfast on his scrum-diddly-umptious slices of ermine, a wondrous calm has descended upon the people of the United Kingdom.


The BBC's flagship show which speaks truth to power, Mrs Brown's Boys, had been criticised for its failure to provide the right level of insight into what a jolly decent set of good eggs the Conservative Party has in its rank and paedophile. So it fell to slapstick comedian Laura Kuenssberg to educate, entertain and inform the nation.


The result united everyone around every water cooler in the country, each one repeating to each other in quiet knowledgeable murmurs the irrefutable understanding that 'Liz Truss merely made one minor misstep in an otherwise glittering career of total success'.


Despite delivering the sweet embrace of a unified nation following years of bitter division, Auntie Beeb is to be broken up and sold as spare parts to GB News because Boris Johnson's massive mandate was only emphasised 17 times.





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Said an executive: 'It's shocking. Were you shocked? I was shocked. We all were. So shocked, that we completely ignored complaints about him and kept paying him huge amounts of money.'


Mr Murdoch, quickly broke the story, ten years after he first heard it. An aide remarked: 'Well, we couldn't say anything at the time because we had newspapers to sell and Mr. Brand was great copy.'


'Yes, this whole process will undermine any criminal prosecution but it will mean a bump in our circulation. Mr. Brand is definitely guilty. Unless of course he has an exclusive movie interview he wants to give us, then he's completely innocent.'

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