Rats annoyed about being linked with billionaire scumbags

“Look, this has got to stop, we have a bad enough reputation as it is, but please stop linking us with awful elitist bellends just because of name similarity. We get it, we are associated with loads of awful stuff, our PR team is nowhere near as good as the squirrels.

Smell a rat? Dude….no need. Why can’t we have “Brave Whistle-blower Rat" rather than just rat out?

Even our skill set is mocked, we are really good swimmers and just being wet gets you classed as looking like a drowned rat. Just rude. If you are untrustworthy, do you get called a dirty vole? No, you don’t, it’s us again.

Even our efficient, prompt, sensible evacuation of a sinking sea vessel is somehow a bad trait.

We are the go-to animal for deceit, mess, and being sneaky. Do we even get credit for our ability to survive falls from great heights? Nope, cats get all the recognition for that one. We are fast and agile, how about a compliment for that? Our ability to run up drainpipes is not “panicking” it’s an admirable skill for crying out loud.

Put the word bag after our name and that means annoying, that is just weird. Anyway, we can deal with that, but we draw the line at being associated with Monaco based, tax avoiding billionaire shitehawks. Yes hawks, you’re not always majestic killing machines, welcome to our world.

Billionaires should be thrown to the rats….Goddammit.”

image form pixabay

Churchwardens struggling to keep Reform afloat

As news broke today that a part-time Churchwarden from Potters Bar has funnelled £200,000 into Reform in the last six months, the Churchwarden has spoken about the strain of finding the money to keep Reform UK Ltd afloat out of his non-existent salary.

'Nigel suggested it would be easy,' he said. 'After all, the Reform leader's girlfriend had managed to find nearly £1 million pounds to buy a house near Clacton, despite not having an income of any note.  I do some conveyancing,' he added, 'but I didn't get the Clacton gig.  'That would have made the donations so much easier.'

The Churchwarden is expected to make up some of the shortfall by advising on architectural landscaping, a subject he doesn't have any experience of.  'Apparently some foreign billionaire wants me to act as a consultant as long as I use the fee to help Reform out,' he said.

A Reform spokesman said Dear Leader would be able to help out with fundraising, if needed. 'He could arrange flowers on the occasional Sunday, as long as a photo-op was included.  And, of course, payment.  In crypto.' 

Image credit: perchance.org

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