Dawning on the USA

US billionaires to FINALLY get a break

America’s most oppressed minority – billionaires – have expressed relief that the current Commie hellscape is drawing to a close.

‘You wouldn’t believe how much tax I paid on my last moon base’, one billionaire told us. ‘I’m working night and day to put America on the map yet every gallon of space-grade rocket fuel carries more than a cent in tax. Doesn’t Biden WANT greatness?’

Donald Trump has promised to liberate America’s wealthy from the shackles of socialism. Private sex islands will now be tax-free, penis enlargement kits and fake tan dispensers will be provided from federal reserves and ‘people ownership’ will once more drive America’s industrial strength.

Presidential Hanger-On Elon Musk, and some other bloke nobody has heard of, will job share the role of making government more efficient by sacking all the people in it (except themselves). This will have the benefit of eliminating the Department of Education, which is kryptonite for billionaires. No date has been set for the book-burnings.

Picture credit: Wix AI

Editors note: Efficiency is improved if, for example, you can get more output from the same input, or the same output from reduced input. Sacking everyone, as referenced in the piece above, should certainly reduce input costs, but the effect on outputs might be harder to predict. Don't try to divide zero by zero, you'll upset the mathematicians. That's as far as we go on economics. If you want to know more, try WackyPedia.

Rachel Reeves says Wicked Witch had to make 'tough decisions'

The Chancellor said that the Witch was much maligned, and was working within specific financial constraints when she tried to kill Dorothy. Her spokeswoman explained: 'The fact is, the Wizard of Oz left significant debts, having insisted in making his city out of Emerald rather than bricks'.

Cutting off winter fuel payments to the citizens of Oz and privatizing the yellow brick road, were prudent decisions, Reeves insisted. Yes, she could have chosen to tax the ruling billionaire witch-class but they are wealth creators, unlike the gullible munchkins who voted them in. No, it was much fairer for her to wear the ruby slippers, rather than sell them off to lift the two-child cap.

Waving her broomstick Reeves cast a spell of Austerity over the land and threatened to send her winged monkeys after any protestors. Asked if she also planned to freeze disability payments, specifically for the blind. 'I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!'

image from pixabay