Billionaire avoids tax SHOCK

Undercover reporters have suggested that Deloitte may have helped Roman Ambramovich falsify tax returns, which is like saying you have found out that he does not keep his money under a mattress. Nothing is surprising about this case. It is like being bewildered that he has a team of lawyers, following the other revelation that fish inhabit the sea.

This is in keeping with headlines such as – ‘Billionaire caught owning a yacht the size of a medium-sized democracy. Neighbours stunned’, ‘Magnat revealed to have a personal chef. Investigators still examining whether water is wet’ and ‘Uber-rich avoid flying economy class. Inquiry expected to last several seconds.’

Said one accountant, ‘This is a tax evader caught trying to make more money. How do you think they got to be a billionaire in the first place? And in a related development, bears have again been observed in woodland areas.’

Image by Grok

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Trillionaires' Shortbread maker goes into receivership

It was a classic case of 'spot the gap in the market'. Two entrepreneurs from San Jose built a business making Trillionaires' Shortbread to satisfy the tastes of people like Elon Musk and, er, Elon Musk.

'People like Elon shouldn't have to put up with mere Billionaires' Shortbread', one of the identical whizzkids said. 'You might as well serve him Millionaires' Shortbread or Middle Management Shortbread. The notion!'

Musk's trillionairedom was so short lived that the pair didn't sell a single bar and have had to tell their backers that their money has vanished. On the plus side this creates a new market for Recently Impoverished Shortbread which is just a plain biscuit.

No pedants were harmed in the making of this story.

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Rats annoyed about being linked with billionaire scumbags

“Look, this has got to stop, we have a bad enough reputation as it is, but please stop linking us with awful elitist bellends just because of name similarity. We get it, we are associated with loads of awful stuff, our PR team is nowhere near as good as the squirrels.

Smell a rat? Dude….no need. Why can’t we have “Brave Whistle-blower Rat" rather than just rat out?

Even our skill set is mocked, we are really good swimmers and just being wet gets you classed as looking like a drowned rat. Just rude. If you are untrustworthy, do you get called a dirty vole? No, you don’t, it’s us again.

Even our efficient, prompt, sensible evacuation of a sinking sea vessel is somehow a bad trait.

We are the go-to animal for deceit, mess, and being sneaky. Do we even get credit for our ability to survive falls from great heights? Nope, cats get all the recognition for that one. We are fast and agile, how about a compliment for that? Our ability to run up drainpipes is not “panicking” it’s an admirable skill for crying out loud.

Put the word bag after our name and that means annoying, that is just weird. Anyway, we can deal with that, but we draw the line at being associated with Monaco based, tax avoiding billionaire shitehawks. Yes hawks, you’re not always majestic killing machines, welcome to our world.

Billionaires should be thrown to the rats….Goddammit.”

image form pixabay