Royal Mail to charge Graham Brady per letter delivered

In a pre-emptive move, Royal Mail has announced that it will be charging on a 'per letter' basis for delivery of post to the address of Graham Brady, chair of the Conservative 1922 Committee for the next few days.

'We have suffered some tough economic conditions over recent months,' said a spokesperson for the Royal Mail, 'and this is just too good an opportunity to miss. We are expecting a big rise in post to Mr Brady over the next couple of days, and we could turn the fortunes our company round by moving to a simple piece rate charging system.

'We need to cover our costs too,' continued the spokesperson. 'We lost 2 posties to chronic back pain back in April, after having to deliver sack loads of no confidence letters to the PM to Sir Graham.

'This time round, we're investing a couple of big ship container crates to hold all the likely letters, and we'll schedule for twice-daily deliveries to try and keep on top of things.' continued the source.

In a goodwill gesture, the Royal Mail has offered a 50% discount to the PM himself for forwarding of his mail from Number 10 to to any new address he might happen to move to over the coming months.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/no-longer-here-19203/

Johnson spin doctors to take control over booing

The recent events that Prime Minister Boris Johnson has attended have included a cappella 'boos' from the crowd. In an attempt to connect with the 'ordinary person' the Prime Minister and his spin doctors have decided that the 'boos' are now an integral part of his persona. Consequently he has decided to bring 'trustees' along to all personal appearances and have them 'boo' if no-one else bothers.

'I have a lot of experience of 'bring your own boos' parties, said the Prime Minister today.

Shock as MPs that hated Boris, still hate Boris

In a surprise vote, 41% of Tory MPs tried to oust him - surprising that it was so low. The 1922 committee explained: 'In a vote of no confidence, all those who had no confidence in him before, still have no confidence in him - but this time with sprinkles on top.

'And 48% voted against his leadership in 2019, which means 7% of these f$ckwits now think he's got better with age!'

image from pixabay