Johnson spin doctors to take control over booing

The recent events that Prime Minister Boris Johnson has attended have included a cappella 'boos' from the crowd. In an attempt to connect with the 'ordinary person' the Prime Minister and his spin doctors have decided that the 'boos' are now an integral part of his persona. Consequently he has decided to bring 'trustees' along to all personal appearances and have them 'boo' if no-one else bothers.

'I have a lot of experience of 'bring your own boos' parties, said the Prime Minister today.

Shock as MPs that hated Boris, still hate Boris

In a surprise vote, 41% of Tory MPs tried to oust him - surprising that it was so low. The 1922 committee explained: 'In a vote of no confidence, all those who had no confidence in him before, still have no confidence in him - but this time with sprinkles on top.

'And 48% voted against his leadership in 2019, which means 7% of these f$ckwits now think he's got better with age!'

image from pixabay

PM dumbs down ministerial code to make it more comprehensible to himself

The Prime Minister has removed the words "honesty, integrity, transparency and accountability" from the ministerial code, it has been revealed.

'Boris just doesn't understand what these words mean', said a source close to the PM. 'His face just goes blank whenever they're mentioned'.

An aide is said to have attempted to help him understand, but was asked by the PM to only use single syllable words if at all possible as his head was starting to hurt.