Boris Johnson joins GB News to front Brexit lullaby hour

Boris Johnson has lurched into sight again by announcing he will be joining the GB News lineup. What is more interesting is the show he will be fronting: The Brexit Lullaby Hour.

The show has been described as “A warm bath of reassurance and mutual Brexit appreciation”. Shouting the show, Mr Johnson will go through the “many” Brexit advantages we have gained since leaving the European Union. He will also have an ASMR section where he will whisper, in his unique pound shop Churchill tones, various platitudes such as “soon we will be at the sunlit uplands”, “blue passports” and “up yours Delors”.

Guests will include Nigel Farage, where it is rumoured he will duet with the song “islands in the stream” Richard Tice for a wrestling match and Nadine Dorries for a weekly fantasy book club feature.

UK to be towed to Pacific under terms of new trade deal

Following the roaring success of the migrant barge programme, the population of the UK will be loaded onto container vessels and transported to the northern Pacific ocean, so that the definitely-not-in-the-EU nation will qualify for the Trans Pacific Trade Partnership that its government has recently signed up to.

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Sign business that saw potential of Brexit floated on stock market

A sign making business that operated from a unit above a shoe repair shop in Hendon for many years while struggling to pay its bills has grown the business sufficiently to be floated on the stock market.

“Our success was all down to Brexit” said the Greg Anderson, owner of Brexisigns, formerly Hendon Signs and Trophies. “The shop downstairs had to close down after they could no longer get supplies of heels and soles on time to meet their orders and asked us to make them a closing down sign.

'Well it’s just as simple to make a dozen signs as it is one, once you’ve set the job up; and because I’d seen other shops were struggling, that’s what I did. The extra signs all went within a couple of days, so it seemed sensible to make some more and they went like hot cakes too.”

In the end, Greg’s business had to move to an industrial unit to cope with the demand.

Greg has been approached by Jacob Rees-Mogg to appear on his GB News show to talk about how Brexit enabled his success.

Photo by the blowup on Unsplash