top of page

Weight of Royal medals may have caused structural damage to Buckingham Palace balcony, say engineers


The weight of military medals, ceremonial paraphernalia and assorted pearl necklaces could have caused serious structural damage to the balcony at Buckingham Palace warn engineers.


Workers tasked with restoring the Palace say they have came across cracks and crumbling infrastructure that have left the balcony in a dangerous condition.


‘The type of damage we found on site is typically associated with excessive weight and impact trauma….the balcony was not built to carry the sort of excessive burden put on it by the current Royal family’ said engineer Jason Beasley ‘the load bearing lintels were designed to carry a modest sized family wearing bonnets and waving silk fans….not rocking a battalion of service medals and military hardware usually seen at a victory day parade in Moscow


Add to that the amount of gold jewellery and pearl necklaces worn by Camilla and it is no wonder the balcony is in danger of collapse’, "The Royals should either take it in turns venturing out on to the balcony to wave at the crowds or scale back on the amount of medals they wear."


‘It all started with the Prince Albert….but thankfully Andrew isn’t allowed on the balcony anymore’.


image from pixabay




Buckingham Palace had issued a statement saying that although the Queen had to miss the thanksgiving service for her reign, she was able to watch the service on television and joined in with the booing of Boris Johnson.


"The Queen is somewhat restricted in what official duties she can do", explained a spokesman, "But she's very clear that she can make time to kiss hands with his successor 'anytime'".



First published 5 June 2022



If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
















For those frequent State Visit clients, why not upgrade your experience to create unforgettable memories in a haven of refined elegance and sycophantic obedience?


Buckingham Palace invites you to submerge yourself in unparalleled luxury with a total absence of legal scrutiny. Indulge in personalized service, with a bespoke state banquet catered by a cornucopia of American fast-food outlets.


Play a round of golf at one of the many elitist courses that can be segregated in all manner of different ways at your request. Includes 24-hour use of the Royal Ball Washer.


One journalist can be picked by the client and sent to the Tower of London. Hilarity will ensue.


Meet with likeminded individuals to discuss private islands and removing names from flight logs to your hearts content.


You will spend time with King Charles version 3.0, maybe not as humorous as his grandfather, but still highly skilled in inane flattery and feigned interest.


The Royal Carriage will have improved suspension to allow for an increased weight capacity and will now include a plethora of hand stitched leather cup holders.


A special inspection of the guard of honour is available, all soldiers will be tested to ensure that they remain professional with a loaded firearm so close to your vicinity. If you would like ammunition removed and for them to use rubber bayonets, this can be accommodated for.


This week only, a complementary extra-long tie with ermine finish.

bottom of page