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Koh-i-Noor diamond to be replaced with Old English Flavour Spangle



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Next year's coronation of King Charles is already sparking controversy with the Snowflake Brigade who claim that the Koh-i-Noor diamond, the world's third most famous diamond, after The Pink Panther and Jim, probably should be removed from the Crown and returned to its rightful place.


Campaigners have suggested that, even though nobody really knows for sure where it came from, the Koh-i-Noor should be returned to somewhere in India, probably.


Self-appointed expert on everything that doesn't really concern him, Gary Matthews, told our reporter, "The Koh-i-Noor was probably stolen from India by the British, and it should be returned. The King has a load of money and should be able to replace it with something more appropriate. I suggest a previously sucked Old English Spangle, possible the aniseed or the treacle flavoured ones. That would be better, mainly because of its name."


Buckingham Palace has refused to comment on any coronation plans but did tell us that this particular brand of confectionery was actually discontinued in the late 1980s.



Buckingham Palace Flower Show draws huge crowds


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As thousands gathered to view the flower display outside Buckingham Pakace, we went along to ask their experiences.

Ivy Benson who had travelled all the way from Birmingham told us, the last time she'd seen a flower was on her wedding day in 1960 and had almost forgotten what flowers look like, so it was a marvelous experience to see them again.


Martha Boswell said she was disappointed not to see any snowdrops in the display and Gerry Mander told us he was disappointed to see so many red roses, going on to add that it was obviously down to commie bastards taking over florists' shops.


Bill Sykes, who runs a flower stall in Victoria Station, said he wasn't particularly interested in flowers and had only come to have a look to see if it was worth his while returning after dark with his van; and King Charles, whilst admitting he found the display emotionally stiring, told our reporter he wished there was another way for the nation to express its respect and sorrow at his mother's death, because growing flowers for commercial purposes is destroying the planet.


image from pixabay

Palace reassure public, "Queen booed PM from home"


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Buckingham Palace had issued a statement saying that although the Queen had to miss the thanksgiving service for her reign, she was able to watch the service on television and joined in with the booing of Boris Johnson.


"The Queen is somewhat restricted in what official duties she can do", explained a spokesman, "But she's very clear that she can make time to kiss hands with his successor 'anytime'".


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