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Less of a deterrent, more of an entertainment service, millions of families leave a radio on to fool would be burglars. Said one sociologist: 'This is based on the false premise that all criminals live in mortal fear of Radio Two.'
In fact, most thieves attest to the music relieving the tension of their activity, said one: 'It gets so lonely, rummaging around. Having Ken Bruce's soothing words, really helps you focus on finding Aunty Edna's pearl necklace.
'And can I say a big thank you for the security light. Finding my way through a darkened garden is a nightmare, so I really appreciate the extra help. And thanks for leaving that spare key under that rock by the door, that's exactly where I would have left it.'
The Royal Society for the Protection of Burglars has urged people with garden sheds to leave out seed balls, lumps of lard, Rolex watches and widescreen TVs to help those light of finger survive the lean winter months. The number of burglars in the UK has fallen by 75% after a cold spell left them struggling to find open windows and empty houses. Robin Toerags and Great Tits could face extinction if temperatures continue to fall.
An RSPB spokesperson said:
‘Burglars rely heavily on the Christmas period to put on an some extra wonga. Sub-zero temperatures mean they are struggling to find items they can easily convert into cash or weed. We urge people to leave a window open so these beautiful little creatures can nick their stuff and shit on their duvets.’
There is some good news for House Martins and Dunnocks. These cheeky little scamps have adopted distraction techniques to get inside the homes of elderly people. Cute video clips of their hilarious antics can be viewed on YouTube.
You can help the RSBP in their important work by buying a wall chart that identifies offenders. You can also take practical steps to ensure they visit your garden on a regular basis. The RSPB has asked people to keep a close eye on their cats. ‘We’ll nick anything,’ the spokesperson said.
Bill Oddie refused to comment.
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