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A representative of King Charles has admitted the monarch uses the same accountancy firm as Peckham entrepreneur Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter.


Accounts show the monarch paid £12.9m in taxes from income largely generated by strong sales of Trevor Francis track suits and discount carpet tiles.


King Charles is thought to be worth around £1.6bn, but annual royal reports reveal that deductions for overheads and expenses reduce his income tax bill to that of someone on income support.


A spokesperson told us that helicopter trips alone cost the Royal Family £733,063 in 2025, although that was offset against the king’s role as environmental ambassador for the UK


Buck House says supplies from a gentleman in Shepherd’s Bush have helped bolster sales across all Royal outlets with sales of David Bowie LPs proving a particular favourite among millennials and vinyl collectors looking for a bargain.


The king’s range of Hooky Street shops is thought to generate profits of £50m alone.


Royal Trustees say that the £11m tax-free gift earmarked to replace old boilers at Windsor Castle was a necessary expense, but assured royal watchers that this would not impact on Queen Camilla’s role as queen consort.



Image: ChatGPT




Her Royal Shakiness, The Queen Consort, has been told not to wear that big blingy crown with the massive diamond in the middle of it for her coronation. It has been alleged that it was stolen from the back of an auto rickshaw in Delhi - authorities have issued an international arrest warrant for the culprit. The photo-fit bears a surprising resemblance to the well-known monarch, and jewel thief, Queen Victoria - very Koh-i-Noorty.


A palace spokesperson said that Queen Shakey was delighted to swop an outmoded relic of the empire for something more contemporary. When it was pointed out to her that they were talking about the crown rather than Charles she hastily changed the subject.


'She is delighted to be wearing a golden novelty drinking helmet,' the spokesperson wittered. 'Her only request is that the plastic beer straw fitted to the contraption is swapped for a more elegant and lady-like gin straw.'





First published 16 Oct 2022


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UK selling King to raise emergency cash for much needed night out, and also with view to saving money by dropping Kingdom part of name.


High mileage. Non-runner. Needs work. Battery not included.


Full service history. See complete, multiple-duplicated Daily Express records. Some photos may have been augmented.


Comes with second-hand Queen for free. Ideal for anyone looking to complete part of broken up set. Those seeking 1980s-style Princess will be disappointed.


No obligation to take on costly responsibilities of piss-artist formerly known as Prince.


Will consider trade-in for Canadian Prime Minister.


No time wasters.


Image: WixAI

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