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Senior Conservatives have accused Labour of taking it's "destroy the country" policy and claiming it as their own.


Sir Gavin Williamson led the charge. 'Destroying the country is our brand, it's what we do. So it's a bit rich for Labour to announce they're also going to have a go. Personally, I have worked very hard cocking up defence and education and you won't believe what I had to try and unsee in exchange for my knighthood. When I close my eyes, I can still see it. I don't think anyone from Labour would go that far.'


Chris Grayling was due to speak but due to an "incident" with a revolving door, didn't arrive at the press briefing.


Sir Gavin went on to propose replacing lorries with pogo sticks.




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First published 6 Jul 2022


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In a surprise announcement Chancellor Rishi Sunak has said that as of Monday, all taxes will be optional.


"This expands our existing policies", explained Mr Sunak. "Up until now, optional taxes were available to the Royal family, my wife and other very rich people but now, people will be able to choose whether or not to pay taxes."


The new policy has experienced some teething problems; with long queues at shops as customers debate whether they have to pay VAT.


Chris Grayling has been seen arguing at a book shop that he shouldn't pay the 0% tax on his purchases and demanding a refund.


Lord Lebedev added, "Я люблю брать деньги у британских идиотов."





First published 11 April 2022


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Christmas is the season of excess, and not knowing where to stop. Which is where we got the idea for another round of Christmas cracker jokes.


Here are the almost-indigestible leftovers that we have re-heated for you...


Q. What is Donald Trump's favourite element?

A. MAGAnesium


Q. What is moles favourite game at primary school?

A. Grounders


Q. Why did the England cricket team send a snowman in to bat against Australia?

A. They thought he'd last longer than one of the regular team


Q. What do you call a crash involving a truck load of terrapins in Northumberland?

A. Turtle distastah (got to do the accent)


Q. Where do you send an addicted lumberjack?

A. Treehab


Q. Which fish knows nothing about transport?

A. The Grayling


Q. What do you call a shy fish?

A. Koi


Q. Which fish had a Christmas number one?

A. Kylie Minnow


Q. What's crisp and sweet and swings through the jungle?

A. A meringue-utan


Q. What's Hugh Jackman's favourite Christmas film?

A. The Greatest Snowman


Q. What's Birmingham's favourite panto?

A. Jack and the binstrike


Q. What paper are dunce's caps made from?

A. Foolscap


Q. Can you name the five Louvre jewel thieves?

A. Rob, Joules, Nick, Jems and Rich.


Q. What is Santa's favourite weather?

A. Rain, dear.


Q. What's Angela Rayner's favourite Christmas film?

A. Home Aloan 2


With contributions from billclay and writinginbsl



Image credit: perchance.org

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