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Operating companies have announced that next year trains will be freezing. As an industry expert former Tory government minister for transport, Chris Grayling, was asked what he thought of the news as he left the House of Lords.


'Well, I'm not surprised. It's often suggested operators' carriages are cold and draughty at the best of times, but believe me we've not seen anything yet. Because as the government has decided the industry can't increase fares in 2026, then clearly the public must accept cuts need to be made. And one these, I understand, will be to reduce heating onboard services to help fuel efficiency in running the rolling stock.


'And in the event the UK gets the wrong kind of snow in the winter months leading to trains becoming stranded, travellers certainly can't expect operators to pay compensation to anyone who perishes from hypothermia. It will be this incompetent government's fault.


'Now if you'll excuse me I must be off to Paddington to catch the 5.30 ferry to Birmingham.'





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It has come to light that a gang of people smugglers have an audacious plan to up their game.


"This is a win-win," said a burly man, festooned with bling and sporting a Breitling watch.

"No more unseaworthy dinghies for the 'customers'. A relatively safe crossing ... assuming the crew are capable.

We get to shift 'cargo' in bulk, and P&O generate some income".

This will require a master of logistics to run the operation. Who do they have in mind?


 "We understand that there's an English chap called Chris Grayling?"



First published 17 April 2022



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