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Public toilet becomes famous after being named in MP’s statement

A public toilet has unexpectedly become famous overnight after being namechecked in a statement made by a disgraced Conservative MP.


The toilet, located in London’s Kings Cross station, was named by Mark Menzies MP as the location where he first met the “bad people” who would later cause him such trouble, locking him in a flat until a ransom was paid to secure his release.


Menzies said he couldn’t be specific about which stall he was in, only that it had a hole in the dividing wall “at about waist height”.


Reg Prescott, who has cleaned the toilet for 15 years, said that its sudden fame had led to a lot of new people coming there. “Though none of them wanting to use it as a toilet, funnily enough.”


image from pixabay

Planet Neptune ditching blue colour to avoid links to Tories



The planet Neptune is no longer considered blue, mirroring the trend of many formerly safe Tory seats.


One alien, Zuflaxizog, said 'Mrs Zuflaxizog and I were pootling around the outer solar system just the other day. We agreed that Neptune and the UK were a lot more blue in the 1980s but that was a false colour.'


'Did you know that Neptune and Jacob Rees-Mogg were both discovered in 1846? And Jeremy Hunt is actually 3 Neptunians sitting on each others shoulders, squelching around inside a fleshy suit - that's why he always has that weird smile. With an average temperature of around -200°C, both Neptune and Rishi Sunak's heart are cold, dark, and desolate worlds.'



Conservative Ministers must now be kept under strict control

Tory MPs in England and Wales must be kept on a lead and muzzled in public now that a new law has come into effect:

Breeding, selling or abandoning them is also illegal as of New Year's Eve.

Voters who want to keep their Conservative MPs have until the next election to apply to do so before an outright ban comes into effect.

The curbs follow a number of attacks on society, but campaigners insist banning is not the answer.

The government said it had met a pledge to take "quick and decisive action" following a series of attacks, with one woman losing her job after just 49 days

The new guidance does not apply to Northern Ireland or Scotland because the breed does not thrive there.




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