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Planet Neptune ditching blue colour to avoid links to Tories



The planet Neptune is no longer considered blue, mirroring the trend of many formerly safe Tory seats.


One alien, Zuflaxizog, said 'Mrs Zuflaxizog and I were pootling around the outer solar system just the other day. We agreed that Neptune and the UK were a lot more blue in the 1980s but that was a false colour.'


'Did you know that Neptune and Jacob Rees-Mogg were both discovered in 1846? And Jeremy Hunt is actually 3 Neptunians sitting on each others shoulders, squelching around inside a fleshy suit - that's why he always has that weird smile. With an average temperature of around -200°C, both Neptune and Rishi Sunak's heart are cold, dark, and desolate worlds.'



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