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Snooker player Judd Trump, who was knocked out of the World Championships by Jak Jones in the quarter final, announced today that he refuses to accept this result.


”This is a sad day for snooker,” he told a rally of his crazed supporters, who were chanting “Stop the Steal!” over and over. “The scoring has been politicised. They’re trying to claim he won just because he won more frames than me, which he definitely didn’t.”


He then told his supporters they definitely shouldn’t storm the Crucible Theatre and grab the trophy for him, though visibly winking and holding up crossed fingers as he said it.


However, he may face bigger problems due to the ongoing allegations concerning snooker referee “Stormy” Bozhilova, to whom he is accused of paying hush money after she saw him cheat by moving a ball with his hand.


His case isn’t helped by audio that has emerged of him boasting that “You can do anything you want, stuff the balls in the pockets… they let you do it when you’re famous.”


photo: Photo by Mark Stuckey on Unsplash




The measures are a revolutionary new service that will allow the public to become 'Guest Guards' making their home secure and safe to temporarily hold the nation's convicted criminals.


'Obviously, the scheme won't extend to the the prison population's most dangerous felons', said a Ministerial aide, 'but I could certainly see a stalker, an aggravated assault inmate or even a convicted fraudster banged up in a semi in Brentford or Huddersfield. It just makes sense.'


The scheme is looking to be rolled out next year and is already looking extremely popular especially to those with unused bedrooms and the 'empty nesters' whose offspring have flown the coup for University or to live away from the familial home.


'Joan moved to Bath to do her Liberal Arts degree', Mr Richard Holmes of Worthing told us, 'so we've applied to take a low level nonce or a internet harrasser into her room. We've sorted the locks and there's bars on the windows already. It's a welcome income stream as we head towards retirement. Not sure what we'll do at Christmas yet but I'm sure everyone will budge up!"


Mr Holmes told us that his wife, Debbie, was looking forward to being a 'right nasty screw'


Image: Newsbiscuit

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