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Another famous soap star has died

An actor/actress famous for their role in Emmerdale/Corrie/Holby/Byker Grove/Z Cars/The Triangle/El Dorado/Upstairs Downstairs/The Bill/Stenders/Hollyoaks/Neighbours/Blankety Blank has died.


They were best known for their famous catchphrase/charity work/personal demons (drink)/frequent arrests/debilitating skin condition (drugs)/dyslexia/mental health problems/vibrant personality(drink)/stormy relationships/catastrophic interview with Parky/Russell Harty/Jonathan Ross/Kirsty Walk/Piers Morgan.


The actor/actress demonstrated their versatility by appearing in other programmes such as Doctor Who, Casualty, Midsomer Murders and Shakespeare and Hathaway.


A statement from their agent said: ‘We are sad to announce the death of this actor/actress who died surrounded by their family/alone/in A&E/on stage/abroad/in a freak travellator accident. He/she was a much-loved husband and father/brother and sister/wife and second cousin, and will be sorely missed by everyone.'


Famous colleagues expressed their dismay. Someone who worked with the deceased on many occasions said, ‘He/she was a great loss to the acting profession. They were always a pleasure/nightmare to work with and were always very considerate/inconsiderate on set. Their work will live for ever, and their advert for suppositories (only shown in Japan, Iran and North Korea) was an instant classic.’




Did a woman die of or with laughter?

It has been alleged that a woman was manslaughtered by another woman with what is being described as an unacceptable level of humour.


Police were called to the Tittering Cavalier pub in Luton yesterday evening following reports of a death in suspiciously lighthearted circumstances. Investigators were able to establish that a woman said something so funny that her friend snorted, gurgled and choked on her own mirth.

'I didn't hear what was said, but I did hear an astonishing gruntysnort from all the way over by the quiz machine,' said an earwitness. I heard shots of purple Aftershock spilling across tables, followed by a loud thud, followed by quite a commotion.


'The landlady immediately went to assist, but she wasn't able to revive the poor woman, or collect the rent. Paramedics were on the scene in minutes, and the police turned up shortly after that. You know, not one 'em could help me out with the quiz machine question. Turns out, Bolivia has two capital cities. Absolutely useless, the lot of them.'


Chief Inspector Claire Howard from Bedfordshire Police said, 'We can confirm that a 26-year-old woman from Luton has died in tragic circumstances. Another 28-year-old woman from Dunstable is helping us with our enquiries. She has a wicked sense of humour and a killer quip about Jeremy Clarkson and an alpaca.


'The key to solving this will be in the recollection of major cities in South America. And does anyone know the longest river in Europe?'




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