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90% of UK court backlog is due to Royal Family litigation



Earlier today, the UK High Court appealed to the Royal Family to scale back its many legal cases to help ease the growing backlog in criminal cases.


In an anonymous leak to the Press, High Court Judges have expressed concern that many criminal cases involving violent assault, sexual offences, murder and other major crimes carrying long prison sentences are being delayed for months. Ever-increasing numbers of prisoners are being held in remand whilst Royal Family litigation is swamping the court system.

Prince Harry has begun high court libel actions against The Mail, Kate Middleton and The Duke of York.




First published 25 Feb 2022


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The grand old Duke of York


Oh, the grand old Duke of York,

He had ten thousand gaffs,

He stacked them up til they hit the news,

And he tried to shut them down


And when they were news, they were news,

And when they were gagged, they were gagged,

And when they are only halfway gagged,

They're a nightmare for the crown



Image credit: Titanic Belfast, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons. Text added.

Army relieved that Andrew is no longer Duke of York


Army Top Brass are pleased that the 'prince' will not be able to use 10,000 soldiers for needless yomps up and down hills any more. An army spokesman said, 'this was a gross misuse of trained professionals, marching these troops up to the top of a hill, for no reason other than to march them down again. And simply to confirm that when they are up, they are up. Madness. Sheer, bloody madness.'


Major-General Headly-Smedley-Landrover-Smyth was quoted as saying, 'We are glad that this unnecessary use of our troops has finally been dealt with. This was not a manoeuvre to practice the taking of an elevated position. This was a full division, comprised of multiple brigades, weirdly just men, marching up and down a hill. The report states some notes were made on the situation when they were only halfway up, but, quite frankly, I am embarrassed to give them to you. This whole exercise could have been done at squad level with ten soldiers, not ten thousand. Get me a brandy.'


When told the actual reason the Duke of York title was being removed, the Major-General spat brandy everywhere, and developed a new type of gout.



Image credit: Titanic Belfast, CC BY 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons. Text added.

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