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Best of Newsbiscuit - January 2024


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January 2024...


That TV program about the Post Office catapulted the story into the news, almost wiping out speculation about the date of the general election. Sunak tried to raise his profile, and lower Boris’s. Starmer continued to lie low and not say anything to frighten the voters. Water companies continued to muddy the waters over, err, muddy water. Small boats continued to bring people across the channel. You might notice that there are no stories about the various wars that were going on - always a difficult topic for jokes.


Here’s a personal selection of the top stories from January 2024, loosely organised by topic. Click through to read the stories and the author credits. Scroll down to see our pick of the month’s best headlines.


Migration

General Election


Media and TV


Politics


Post Office


Water Companies


Religion



And a selection of the best headlines from January 2024


Some of these are topical and some are just silly. And many of the headlines, for some reason, seem to be about the Royal Family. So, no New Year honours for us, then...


Silver Spoon responsible for King's enlarged prostate  

Dog with two dicks, "quite happy" says vet 

Tories to employ Luke Littler to show them how to actually hit targets

All BBC programmes to include a tightrope-walker, for balance

Dodgy batch of underlay swept under the carpet

Drunk Olympics to include hurling for the first time

Man who found plane parts in his garden thought it was a delivery for next door

Man who wanted tablet for Xmas unhappy to get an aspirin   

Man says the 2 birds in the bush were better than the one in his hand

Wales’ biggest employer says Tata

Guitar school found to be institutionally bassist

Epstein fingered Andrew

Darts fans shocked at teenage boy has well honed wrist action

Florida adopts execution by Helium to "lighten the atmosphere"

Post Office scandal: Met Police investigate now that it's been on telly

Hasbro say five year wait for Operation is down to 14 years of Tory government

Northern rhinos saved from extinction by feeding them pies, chips and gravy

Pub football team hit with massive pints deduction       

Blunt pencil collection just pointless

Man who fell into an infinity pool says it took him forever to get out

Vwl thf stll t lrg



Image credit: Wix AI

ITV renews Mr Bates vs The Post Office for three new seasons

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ITV has announced it has commissioned three new seasons of the hit drama Mr Bates vs The Post Office, confirming that the script will be written as soon as the Post Office commits further miscarriages of justice upon innocent postmasters.


It's thought the titular Mr Bates character, portrayed by Toby Jones in the show, will feature in the new episodes, though the fate of villain Paula Vennells, the criminal mastermind of the first series, and whose sinister catch phrase 'the Horizon system is robust' had the nation on the edge of their seats, is currently unknown.


Since the drama aired, tourists from as far afield as Japan have flocked to Mr Bates' home in the national park of Snowdonia, drawn by the idyllic scenery seen in the drama, with further boosts to the tourist industry in Wales and Surrey. Several beer gardens in which Mr Bates took telephone calls have already received National Trust Heritage status.


A spokesman for ITV said, 'We are delighted to announce further series of one of our most popular dramas. In the absence of any major scandals on the Post Office's part, we will concentrate storylines on smaller controversies such as the rising cost of stamps, damage to Amazon parcels, and envelopes being measured incorrectly, and of course we'll be revisiting fans' favourite heroes and villains.'


'Rest assured, Mr Bates will again be solving post office-based crimes while hiking in areas of natural beauty.'



Photo by Joe Han on Unsplash


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