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Yes!  At last!  A British designed lawnmower that incorporates all the leading edge technology from Formula One!


Amaze your neighbours as you change tyres in 29 seconds and refuel in 7 seconds.  Make a superfast start out of your shed, experience the G force as you corner at high speed. (Warning: novice users should consider using a safety mower to manage speeds in certain conditions.)


The lawnmower has an authentic F1 whine (choose between Lewis Hamilton and James Hunt).  It’s super lightweight. (Warning: do not attempt to mow long grass when wet.)  It’s aerodynamic.   It comes with a choice of tyres, so that you can mow in all conditions.  It's available with advertising stickers from all the major F1 sponsors.


While you mow, you can record your own commentary as you pretend to be Murray Walker and film your Instagram posts on the mowcam.  It really is the best of British engineering, the result of decades of research by underpaid engineering students.  As used by Lando Norris’s gardener!


And there’s more! You can pre-program the Green Bull 5000 to mow your lawn into the shape of the 19 most iconic race tracks in the world.  And we even have a robot model that will cut your lawn on its own, by staying inside a barrier of piled up tyres.  If James Dyson lived in this country, and had a lawn, and wanted to cut it – then this is the lawnmower he’d choose!



Image credit: deep dream generator



The Burnhameux Tapestry is shaping up to be the cultural sensation of the year as people in their thousands order tickets to view the masterpiece, which depicts Andy Burnham's historic Northern Conquest.


The tapestry shows how Andy the Conqueror invaded the south of England by train from Manchester Piccadilly and forced Keir Toolmakerson to cede the throne to him.


Several omens foretold Andy's conquest, such as a freak by-election victory for Labour in Makerfield and a decidedly streaky win for England against the footballers of impoverished, war-torn DR Congo.


'It's an amazing story!' gushed BBC Tapestry Editor Chris Mason, amongst a queue of thousands of tapestry buffs queuing for a ticket at the British Museum, 'and it's one which I and my successors will be telling, over and over again for the next thousand years on the television news - so watch out.'


Andy the Conqueror would go on to rule Britain in mediocre fashion for a handful of months before toppling into the financial black hole which Keir Toolmakerson had spitefully dug for him.


England got knocked out in the following round of the World Cup, having been comprehensively outplayed by Mexico's Shambling Chihuahua Puppies XI, and Reform UK won the following general election.   



Image credit: ChatGPT

The BBC has turned off its long wave radio service after 101 years. But ardent fans of the special sound quality of the long wave service need not worry. The BBC is launching a new service called Radio 4 Extra Extra (to distinguish it from Radio 4 and Radio 4 Extra).


The new service, referred to as BBC R4XX, is a digitally enhanced copy of standard Radio 4 output, with the trademark long wave snap, crackle and pop added back in electronically, along with unintelligible mumbling and some dropouts. The dropouts will mostly be old Radio 1 DJs.


Long Wave fans regard this solution as very unsatisfactory. One said, 'I'm cheesed off about buying a new radio. The valves in my radio have plenty of life left in them. I don't pay my licence fee for this sort of PC, woke, nanny-state nonsense.


'I was psychologically prepared to move to the medium wave, or possibly short wave. I have a massive allergy to FM transmissions, and will only buy an FM radio over my own dead body. As for DAB, that's not for me. And you can keep DAB+ as well. And I'm not sure that you can properly call internet radio 'broadcasting'.


'I'm petitioning the BBC to reissue old long wave broadcasts in a format that's accessible to true fans - wax cylinders, eight track, or, for the tech-savvy, Sinclair Microdrive.'



Image credit: deep dream generator

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