In conjunction with physicists at London University, Mayor Sadiq Khan plans to introduce negative speed limits on London’s roads.
”We’ve done everything we can to screw money out of motorists,” said a spokesman for the diminutive extortionist. “We’ve made speed limits so low you’re almost certain to get fined if you drive anywhere, especially as we’re careful not to signpost the 20mph limits if we can help it.
”However, I know the boss is frustrated by all the people who have cars but don’t use them much. We’ve done everything we can to force them off public transport - no aircon or 24 hour service on the tube, most trains not accessible to wheelchair users, usually no service at the weekends… and don’t even get me started on buses. But there are some people who just won’t take the hint.
”Fortunately, the physicists we’ve consulted advise us there is a such a thing as negative speed, and apparently it doesn’t just mean going backwards. Therefore we feel entirely justified in imposing a negative speed limit all over London, so even parked cars are breaking it,”
The spokesman went on to say this in no way replaces fines for illegal parking, which they’d probably quietly increase while everyone’s attention was elsewhere.
Photo by Nabeel Syed on Unsplash
Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.
