Some people may have listened to the speech Robert Jenrick gave to the Tory party conference with mounting alarm, said a spokesman for Lebensraum Translation Services, "especially when he screeched the words: 'Let us fight for a better future! Let us build this new order! Let's take our country back!'
"To the ordinary fellow, this may have sounded like an annoyingly ambitious pipsqueak of a politician veering dangerously into hard right territory in a desperate attempt to capture the leadership of his party.
"However, if you translate these words back into the original German, as they were spoken in a Munich beer hall in the late 1920s, they take on an entirely different meaning.
"The speaker, sickened by a humiliating defeat, promises to lead his people on the high road back to glory. That's also true for Jenrick, but in German it sounds sort of operatic.
"I mean, at least that guy believed in something - which is a notch up on Herr Jenrick. You'd need a cryogenic transmission electron microscope to even get close to discovering a single sincere belief in Herr Jenrick's head.
"Now I just need to translate this last gem from the great future Tory leader's lips - 'Gott in Himmel, wo ist all der Weissfolk in that godforsaken dump, Handsworth?'
"Oh, dear. That bit doesn't sound too great in anyone's language, does it?"
