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While German and Portuguese Police search wasteland near Praia da Luz for clues relating to the disappearance of Madeleine McCann 18 years ago, members of the Metropolitan Police case team continue to investigate their hunch that the three-year-old went missing in the rough around one of the Algarve's many golf courses.


Speaking at the first tee of the Espiche Club, lead officer DCI Savage gave an update on behalf of his team and four-ball, telling reporters, "While we accept it's an outside chance, we won't rest until every inch of this course and any others within 30 miles of Lagos have been thoroughly searched, which won't be that hard thanks to DS Brightman shanking every shot with his driver anywhere but the fairway!"


Four hours later, the search team returned with good news, "Hastings got a hole-in-one on the ninth!" Savage told us, "So that's saved the investigation a bit of cash as the Milky bars are on him tonight!"


When asked how long this case could be kept open, Savage said, "Well, there's three more courses to search, actually four if you count the Stableford competition we've got planned with the local plods. Then there's a rumour a girl matching the computer-aged images of Madeline was seen at the Portimão Restaurant Festival, so we've got some reservations there to follow-up the lead. After that, it depends how long the weather holds out and when the courts confirm the date for my misconduct hearing."


image form pixabay



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Retired Colonel Reginald Bradshaw-Wallace, formerly of the 14th Foot and Mouth Regiment, admitted sadly today that this year might be the last commemoration of the Battle of Agincourt in 1415. 


'I was initially enraged by the suggestion that after a mere 610 years, it might be time to call it a day,” the colonel told other drinkers in the bar of his Golf Club.' Though I must admit that it does get harder to get people interested in it.


'The BBC has refused to televise it ever since… well, as long as the BBC’s existed, to be honest. And the number of people turning out.,, well, actually it’s just been me for the past few decades. Not so much a parade as an old man trying to remember where the post office used to be.


'But that doesn’t diminish my enjoyment of it, not at all. As I remember that day when we marched forward to the strains of Elgar, ready to knock the hun for six, cannon to the left of us, cannon to the right of us, and gentlemen in England now abed shall fight them on the landing grounds, and in the streets…'


At this point, he was gently escorted back to the day room and propped up in his usual easy chair.




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