In what Conservatives are calling 'Target Removal Week', all archery targets, dartboards and football goalposts have been abolished. However, darts enthusiasts have been assured that the bull will still remain.
Downing Street spokes-slime, Jemima Hoathe explained, 'Targets this government pledged it would hit were impossible to miss. The missing of those targets points to the only rational explanation that the targets are to blame.
'The suggestion that we don't give a squirrel squit and never even had the slightest intent of aiming for them is beside the point. Targets are clearly dangerous.
'It makes perfect sense to get rid of anything which makes you look foolish and which might embarrass you, so the government has acted decisively to abolish anything which might be considered a target. This is a perfectly sensible decision, and absolutely the right thing to do. It's what the people of Britain want.'
The government has been accused of setting very low standards and consistently failing to achieve them. In response to the accusation, next week will be 'Improvement Avoidance Week', during which high jump bars will be made illegal, even if they are just a few inches off the ground. Limbo dancing apparatus will be replaced with red tape.
Hat tip to deskpilot
Image: chrisko1960 - Pixabay
Following criticism of the government's handling of the COVID pandemic, the civil service has building up reserves of headless chickens.
A spokesman explained; "As most of the government had caught COVID from an unknown blonde, idiot conman, there was a severe shortage of chinless wonders to run around in circles in the early stages of the pandemic. So we're ready for next time, a thinktank headed up by Chris Grayling, recommended spending £26 million on headless chickens from his mate Toby."
Mr Grayling also commented on the scheme; "Toby, great bloke by the way, called me from his Barbados home to guarantee that the chickens would cost nothing to keep as he pointed out that without their heads, they won't have any beaks to eat with. Very clever."
In unrelated news, the government has recently invited tenders for deep cleaning and odour removal services.
image from pixabay