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New head of MI6 Blaise Metreweli has unveiled her first success as "C" within the secretive organisation; the successful delay of Iran's Nuclear Weapons programme through the covert installation of UK-trained project managers with experience of major infrastructure projects into the regime.


"I'm very happy to disclose the effectiveness of Operation Gantt," said SIS Spokesperson Harriet Palmerston at a Press Conference today. "Recruiting people to the intelligence services used to be a tap on a shoulder in an Oxbridge College following lectures; nowadays it's the corridors of a civil engineering firm after yet another status meeting announcing a schedule slip. We identified several potential agents due to their natural ability to obfuscate and leave teams hamstrung. Thanks to special training in sounding promising but delivering little delivered by former contestants on The Apprentice, these operatives have been able to keep Tehran a year from having an atomic bomb for the past decade."


Palmerston then explained the next steps for the operation, "With their work largely concluded due to the military action in the area now removing Iran's capability to enrich uranium, these people have been extracted and will be returned to their roles in the Civil Service delivering such projects as the Lower Thames Crossing and Heathrow's Third Runway. It's felt some of the managerial techniques they've picked up while deployed, such as beatings and ritual beheadings, are just the kind of motivational tactics these programs need to really get them moving."


image from pixabay




With the complete shutdown of a major international airport due to completely foreseen circumstances, many new measures are to be discussed at length and then not implemented, here are some of the better options:


• Four new “No Smoking” signs to be purchased


• The space saving “Stacked Power Back-Up Plan” to be reviewed. The aim was to build a third back-up generator on top of the existing back-up generator which was on top the main substation.


• Airport staff to unplug unused phone chargers to save energy in case of another major power shut down


• The new third runway will be able to be rolled up and put in fireproof box at night


• The reintroduction of wolves throughout the airport


• Risk assessments to be updated and maybe have the ones about being bombed by the Luftwaffe removed


• Candles to be used throughout the airport to reduce the annoying use of electricity and create a calming vibe


• Even though they are fun, have meeting about the real need for “Naked Flame Thursdays”




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