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Disappointed your MP isn't named in the Epstein Files?


Don't worry, there's still three million emails, photos, snuff movies and unused rushes from the Melania movie to be released yet.  And don't forget, most of the files released have swathes redacted, so your MP might feature in there already.  There's only 650 or so MPs at any given time, so plenty of opportunity for them to star more than once, probably not as often as Nige, though.  Mandy might look like a rank amateur by the time it's all finished.


What is to say your immediate or distant family don't feature in the unreleased bits?  That creepy uncle from Swansea, got to be a good chance.  Your cousin who disappeared while on holiday fifteen years ago - hate to be the bearer, but you can't rule it out.  But notoriety all the same, eh? Unless there's something you want to get off your chest - before the next release!


Ultimately it's probably best for the entire House of Commons to resign today.  House of Lords as well, obviously.  The Royal Family should really look at packing their bags and heading to the job centre.  Or the Maldives, whichever appeals the most.  And while they're at it, shouldn't you hang your head in shame, just in case?


image from pixabay

Cockney MP leads Lambeth walk in Parliament


Following similar incidents in New Zealand, where MPs of Māori heritage have initiated the Haka in that country’s parliament in protest at proposed legislation, cockney MP Steve Geezer has asserted his right to perform the Lambeth walk in the House of Commons.


Geezer, who represents the constituency of Barking and Shithole, said that to deny him this right would show a lack of respect for the traditions and customs of cockneys.


The Speaker of the House, whilst pointing out that the traditional war declaration of the Māoris and a song and dance number written for a musical in 1937 weren’t quite the same thing, nevertheless said he was minded to allow it as it “should be quite funny for the rest of us”.


Geezer then rounded up the members for Havering, Newham and Dagenham and together, with their thumbs tucked into their braces, they strutted around to a Chas’n’Dave style accompaniment provided by a busker they found outside Westminster tube station.


Once he’d stopped laughing, the Speaker asked what if anything the cockney MPs were protesting about.


”Er… dunno really.. immigration I spose. They come over ‘ere, livin’ on benefits… no wonder there’s never any benefits left for my constituents.”





Christmas Appeal


Could you help someone disadvantaged this Christmas? Your kindness could make a real difference.


Many MPs can't get by on their salaries and expenses alone. Freebie suits and dresses and spectacles are hard to come by these days. And the long term prospects for many MPs look grim. Have you seen the opinion polls?


Many MPs can't go back to their wives this Christmas, because of their challenging behaviour. Others can't use their second homes as they are being staked out by the paparazzi.


We are looking for people who could adopt an MP this Christmas. These people are often damaged, find it difficult to trust anyone, and have a creative relationship with the truth. They are anxious about political extremists on the left and the right, and are often paranoid or attention seeking, but feel powerless to help themselves. (Obviously, this doesn't stop them from helping themselves.)


Feeding an MP will ensure that they finally get a balanced diet and some vitamins. Caring for an MP could keep them off booze, fags and street drugs. Medical help could address their phobias, syndromes, STDs and incontinence . And a secure environment could protect them from internet trolls, social media, opposition MPs and their own party whips.


We must act now to protect democracy. You can help by adopting an MP. Please help. Send as much money as you can to Freepost Help an MP Christmas Fund, The Glass Large Jar By The Cigars, Stranger's Bar, House of Commons SW1.


Thank you.


image from google gemini

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