Having admitted his love for the children’s porcine favourite and the Hampshire Park she inhabits, Boris Johnson has said his intention is to turn all of the UK into a giant Peppa Pig World with fun and levelling up for all the family.
Speaking incoherently to a group of business leaders Boris said there was so much potential. “I know I’ve told a few porkies in my time, but this could really save my bacon. Daddy Pig’s Car Ride. What about it? I’ll tell you. It shows us the way forward. No more noisy brrrm brrrm. We save the planet at 5 mph on thousands of miles of electric track. Whoosh! Then we can ditch HS2 and give Grandpa Pig the train franchise. Choo! Choo! And then Peppa can join my team at Number 10. Probably a swine to work with but an upgrade on Cummings.”
At that point the PM lost his place, uttered something about trotting off, and walked straight into a broom cupboard. Asked for a comment, Keir Starmer said “And pigs might fly. This is a non-starter if it simply means more Tory snouts in the trough.”
