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Zombies refusing to eat the brains of anyone without proof of a negative lateral flow test


Walking dead old grey matter gnawers have insisted that there will be implications for anyone who does not have a negative lateral flow test certificate.


'Ideally, victims should be in possession of official documentation clearly stating that they have had a negative PCR test within the last 48 hours,' wailed Terry, a senior member of the mind muncher community. 'But times have been tough for everyone, and most zombies I've moaned at have suggested that they would be willing to accept lateral flow test results up to 72 hours prior to the time of attack.'


'Look, we're all a bit twitchy about this new variant, and until we know more, we're not taking any chances. A mate of mine in the vampire community has said that they will not bite the necks of anyone who isn't wearing an FP2 approved face covering. If you ask me, that's going too far, but at least it shows a bit of consideration. Better than those sodding werewolves, anyway. They'll rip anyone to pieces without a second thought. But, then again, they lick their own genitals, so what do you expect?'







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