Can you tell us how we'll get to Sesame Street

Happiness

All the time we’re on PBS

But the right wing has turned up the heat

Can you tell us how we’ll get

How we’ll get to Sesame Street?

Now we’re broke

An orange muppet thinks we’re too woke

So, on Netflix now is where we’ll meet

We will tell you how to get

How to get to Sesame Street.

“Accept cookies”

Choose your package with T’s and C’s

Then the finance form you must complete

It’s the only way that now

You can get to Sesame Street

If you still want Sesame Street

Get your card out - Sesame Street…

Image: Pixabay/Alexas_Fotos

‘You’re stuck with us’ confirm supermarket allegiance cards

Most shoppers would like it if groceries were cheaper for all of the customers of a supermarket instead of just those customers willing to swear fealty by having a small plastic rectangle to look after for decades or a phone app to update so as not to be financially shafted every which way when buying basic foodstuffs.

Dung beetle Martin Jones paused from rolling a ball of poo up a hill recently and stated that if they were told they could have a slightly bigger ball of poo if they kept hold of a plastic rectangle or a tiny computer they would say no thank you. They were surprised that humans would accept this tiresome life admin in perpetuity rather than simply asking for it to stop.

Supermarket allegiance cards trembled in wallets at the thought of being winked out of existence. They’ve been having a lovely life travelling about the place being credited with making food cost less when actually they are the middle man in an unnecessarily complicated system. The BOGOF gods of encouraging eating too much laughed reassuringly and said the juggernaut of data gathering has two accelerators and no brakes.

Image: Pixabay/reverent

Police ‘vigilant’ over premature clout casting

Following warnings for UK citizens to observe the clout-casting laws or face severe penalties, I interviewed a spokesman for the Metropolitan Police.

‘Why now?’ I asked.

‘It’s the Bank Holiday. Brings ‘em out’, he told me. ‘We might not necessarily agree with the law but it’s our solemn duty to enforce it’.

‘And what, exactly, does casting a clout mean?’

‘If you know, you know’, he said, tapping his nose conspiratorially.

‘Erm, that’s the problem. If I don’t know what it is, might I do it accidentally?’

‘Look up Regina vs . . . oh, can’t remember the name. It was in the 1960s. Ignorance of the law is no defence’.

‘Am I casting a clout now?’ I asked him.

‘No’.

‘If you tell me I can pass it on to NewsBiscuit readers and they won’t get in trouble’.

‘NewsBiscuit? You barstards, you hate the Met. All because of a few murders and rapes. And a bit of corruption. I hope some of your readers cast a clout before May 31st so we can bang ‘em up!’

So you’ve been warned. Well, sort of. Don’t do anything which might be interpreted as casting a clout before the end of May. And if you do, try not to do it in London. Wales should be fine, anything goes there.

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this story could we gossip about you in the office? It’s really quiet today.

Image: Pixabay/ photorama