Transport for London was pleased to announce today that the number of complaints about public transport in London has fallen to a record low.
“Of course, we’re not fooling ourselves people are happy with the service,” laughed spokesman Damien Sludge. “We know perfectly well how many trains we cancelled because of a slight breeze, because it was cloudy, because there was an R in the month or because the moon was in the third house of Jupiter.
”No, we’re well aware using public transport in London is like something out of Dante. That’s why we all work from home. I can’t even remember where our office is.
”But it’s been a long term strategic priority of ours to beat down commuters to the point where they don’t expect anything to work, and know complaining won’t make any difference, as outlined in policy document Turning Misery to Hopelessness (2018). It’s why our official email for complaints is asifwegiveaf**k@tfl.gov.uk.
“Though amazingly some people do still bother to email us, so we’ve had to set up an autoresponder saying ‘Moan moan moan - you realise this is why no one likes you?’”
