Virgin Island candidates ‘Not sacrificial lambs, honest’ say C4
- Sully
- May 22
- 1 min read
The candidates on Virgin Island – adults so introverted that they’ve made it well into adulthood without popping their cherries – have been told that after their televised deflowering they must take an exam without studying for it, queue in Tesco in their underwear and then run away from a predator through a viscous material so they can only run really slowly.
It’s all part of Channel 4’s Real Nightmares season, which aims to destroy the lives of ordinary people to help with the station’s mission of ‘increasing customer figures for dodgy online casinos’.
‘We’re proud of our work at Channel 4’, a spokesman told us. ‘We’ve always tested the boundaries. Currently we’re seeing how far we can go before the UN declares it an atrocity. It’s surely only a matter of time’.
In fairness, Channel 4’s lawyers vetoed falling from a great height and shark attack, though we suspect that’s more a question of ‘when’, not ‘if’.
