BMA castigated for not checking Steve Barclay's diary

A red faced BMA, on the start of a new four day strike attempting to bring the NHS to its knees, admitted that none of the union officials checked the Health Minister's diary before calling the strike. 'Fair enough, he's on holiday in some sun-kissed resort so we really can't expect him to turn up for discussions about resolving the crisis,' a union representative said.

The last time they tried to get Mr Barclay around a table he was having his hair cut - a long standing appointment with 'some guy from the high street'. The representative agreed it would be unreasonable to ask him to reschedule his trim as their other customer might be inconvenienced. 'Like the time before - had to walk the dog. We thought that job had finished when Johnson left Number 10, but no, it's a commitment, so fair enough.

'We've checked his diary and it seems very full for the next fourteen months, then nothing. I guess that's our opportunity,' said the representative.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/sasint-3639875/

Rail passengers announce strike dates

Long suffering rail passengers say that they have ‘no option’ but to go on strike, in protest at poor quality services, cancellations, rising ticket prices, chronic under-investment, dirty trains, and unbelievably hard baguettes from station kiosks.

'We can’t take this any more,' said a spokesman for the radical rail traveller lobby group PARSNIP. 'This stands for Passengers Against Rail Strikes – with the remaining letters to be figured out later. We are proposing a general strike and will picket rail stations to persuade other passengers that enough is enough and the current long standing nonsense has to stop.

'We have a radical programme of action to help our members to avoid railways altogether. We can provide car loans, bike rental, lifts, discounted running shoes and legally binding work-from-home contracts.

'We can also support the victims of rail travel with counselling, dietary advice, lost property tracking services and debt advice.

'Our radical vision is convert railway lines to express bus routes, to convert rail carriages into accommodation for the homeless, and to use railway stations for shops, to the extent that this hasn’t already happened. We will take direct action to achieve our aims and we will be gluing ourselves to things, chucking soup over stuff, and rustling our newspapers. So watch out!'

Christmas cancelled after Lynx Africa gift set workers announce industrial action

In news that has left a shell-shocked country utterly shell-shocked, bereft shoppers have been plunged into a sea of misery by yet more strike action news.

Workers at the state-of-the-art Lynx factory in Hartlepool have voted overwhelmingly in favour of an immediate walkout. This led to dramatic shortages of the much sought-after deodorant on the nation’s high streets, leading to outbreaks of violent and frenzied panic buying.

As he lay in the middle of the high street after succumbing to a mild cardiac arrest, Ray Divots was more concerned about the Lynx Africa shortage than his ambulance, which was already three days late.

“I’m not walking about smelling like a cat’s minge" said Mr Divots in a ghastly northern accent. "Blokes like me are utterly dependent on Lynx Africa at Christmas. What else am I going to buy the brother-in-law?"

The government has been quick to deny union accusations that it had refused to come to the negotiating table or negotiating bathroom vanity unit for that matter.

A spokesman defended the pay award to the Lynx workers, saying that it was set by the independent perfume review body and you don’t get any more independent than that. He went on to announce that the government has put thousands of sewage treatment workers on standby in case this whole thing leaves a nasty taste in everyone’s mouth.

www.newsbiscuit.com

image from pixabay