Andrew Tate revealed as comedy character

Manosphere “influencer” Andrew Tate was today revealed to be a comedy character, created and performed by comedian Steve Bradshaw.

'I’d been working the clubs for a while, keeping my head above water without ever really breaking through,' said Bradshaw today. 'Then I read something about these manosphere influencers on the internet, and thought that was a ripe subject for parody.

'I never for a moment imagined people would take him seriously. I mean, do people watch Philomena Cunk and think she’s a real historian? Or Nigel Farage and think he’s a real politician?'

'It is weird,” agreed Mike Jenkins, who Bradshaw recruited to play Tate’s brother Tristan. “I mean, the obvious homoeroticism of these guys hanging around the gym all day admiring each other’s physiques, but claiming to be 100% uber-heterosexual. In a way, it’s a little depressing people haven’t got the joke.'

Bradshaw said he also felt bad about “Hustlers’ University”, started by “Tate” a few years ago to give disaffected young men the life skills to become “hustlers”.

'Surely it’s obvious he’s the one hustling them? Taking their money and giving them nothing but retarded garbage in return? How do people not get this?'

In the circumstances, and despite the fact they’re making him more money than comedy ever did, he agreed to suspend all Tate’s courses lest they cause harm in the real world.

Meanwhile on Reddit, the subthread r/tateisreal was created so angry young men could warn each other not to be taken in by the “fake news” that Tate is a comedian who was taking the piss out of them all along.

'Tate completely changed my life,' said user AlphaBro. 'Without him, I’d never have got my girlfriend to do webcam work, so I could live a life of leisure off the money she makes me. Well, I say girlfriend - I haven’t seen her in a while, and her stuff doesn’t seem to be in the flat any more. Which means I’ve finally got room for a weights bench and gaming chair! #livingmybestlife'

Photo by Sigmund on Unsplash

Checking facts is soooo 2024

Hi there, it’s Lyn Floohenzur, your absolute favorite girl is here, for you, telling what is what and how it is, right? Before we get to into the big news, like, the real news, our sponsor today is again the GRU, the number one Russian Military Intelligence Service - hi guys!

As I was like saying to McKinleigh and Jaxton, we all know that there are sooo many diff types of truth out there, and we like have to show total respect to the alternative truths, like, totally yeah? Mikkky G was sayin’ while back that those so called, like, experts are, you know like, we really have had enough of that, you know? Anyway, IronMusk, you know to call him that right, IronMusk, so clever, yeah, well on the X, they have, like, a community of Truth notes that’s like a hive mind of people telling it like it is and it's pretty hot, yeah?

Well Insta is going the same way, like, in a way that's the same, cos like facts are like, biased you know? They all seem to be in your face with the checking and telling you are wrong and like, you don’t own my facts right? Well anyway, don’t forget to subscribe by clicking Alt-right arrow, and smash that like, and see you in 15 seconds!

Picture credit: Wix AI. Probably.

Liberal US celebs compete to be most upset at Trump victory

A number of liberal celebrities from both coasts of the US have taken to social media to outdo each other in how upset they are about Trump’s victory in the presidential election.

“I spent this morning holding Frasquita, my Latinx maid from Puerto Mexico, and reassuring her she’s gonna get through this,” said one well known teen pop star. “Though only from behind, so she could carry on cleaning the bathtub.”

“I just don’t understand it,” said a famous actor. “How many times have I posted on social media that people who vote for Trump are just, like, total douchebags? And it still didn’t win them over.”

Another celeb, who is presumably an influencer since she doesn’t seem to do anything else, said that until she watched the election night coverage, she hadn’t even realised how many other states there are between LA and New York.

”Though I guess it does explain why it takes so long to fly over them.”

All the celebs then issued routine threats to leave the country they “no longer recognise at the America we love”. A well known bookmaker quoted the odds of them actually doing this as slightly longer than the presidents’ faces on Mount Rushmore being transformed by wind erosion into the four main characters from Gossip Girl.

Image: LoboStudioHamburg - Pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com