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That Biden TV speech in full




'This is your commando speaking. The commando in chief. I like to go commando, because I love freedom.


'This election is about democracy, freedom, brotherhood, neighbourhood, boyz in da hood, Red Riding Hood, and Robin Hood.   But it’s also about integrity, intensity, and immensity.  I can speak truth to power and I can speak truth to Donald.   He’s too old.   I’m too bold.   I’m going to boldly go, and Donald should go too.   Actually, I went just now.


'If he wants a fight, I’ll see him outside.


'We shall beach them on the fighters.  We shall never...err...never...err...never mind.  Ours is not to reason, ever.  I have nothing to offer….but...err...I have nothing to offer.  At all.  Blood, sweat and tears.  So many stains.


'I can do a second term.  I did lots of terms at school.  I’m a termite.   I’m a terminator.   But I’m not Austrian.   Go ahead, take my tray.  Hasta la pasta, Donald.


'I’m a fighter.  My dog’s a fighter.  An F-16’s a fighter.   The future’s brighter.   I want to finish building the bridge that President Clinton started.  Then I want to walk over that bridge, walking towards the light.


'People of the government, by the government, for the government, so help me God.  God rest ye merry gentlemen.   Long live America.


'Thank you.'




Eclipse prompts new Trump slogan - “Make America Bright Again”



In the wake of the solar eclipse that passed across the United States today, Donald Trump unveiled a new slogan - “Make America Bright Again”. “This never happened when I was president,” said the Republican candidate, now busy campaigning for the November election. “Just remember, under crooked Joe Biden, you don’t even get reliable sunlight during the day.


“When I was in power, the sun shone all the time, the weather was perfect. It never rained, except when farmers needed it, in which case it rained exactly the right amount and only on their fields.” He then set out a plan to build a wall around the sun so that the moon won’t be able to cross in front of it in future, explaining that the builders wouldn’t be burned to a crisp because they’d do it at night. “And they’d be Mexicans anyway, so it wouldn’t matter.”


Hearing about his opponent’s statement, President Biden rubbed his temples and said that half of America could indeed do with being a bit brighter. He then issued a warning that Trump’s face had now become such a bright orange, it wasn’t safe to look at it directly without special glasses.




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