

KK - hey how you doing - get the friends reference Liz?
LT - yes Kwasi but not doing well hun
KK - what’s up hun
LT - you know you're my BAE? But it’s not you it’s me - I’m don’t know how to say this
KK - What
LT - I’m going to have to get a new Money man
KK - what do you mean
LT - It’s over Kwasi, can you give back the keys to number 11
KK - Please Liz, please don’t dump me - I’ve only just got back from New York to be specially by your side, I didn’t get a chance to do any Christmas shopping, visit the Friends building, hell I didn’t even get a chance to meet Tom Cruise at the IMF thingy you sent me to. All I got was boring economic talk. Please give me another chance. Pretty Pretty PLEASE.
LT - sorry it’s you or me, and this time it’s you and I’m seeing Jeremy now.
KK - Noooooooooooo
Police say they will punish "to the full extent of the law" any Members of Parliament who hurl any urine filled objects at Liz Truss during her first PMQ's appearance after the week of turmoil.
After Kwarteng was hit by several coins thrown from the press area as he left Downing Street following his sacking last week, there have been strong rumours that there is an active plan to bombard the Prime minister with crisp packets, plastic bottles or other make-shift objects filled with piss, in the style made famous by large Rock festivals.
Ms. Truss's team said she was confident that behaviour would remain "at the standard expected by members of the House of Commons" which by general admission, didn't really change anything. However, she has decided purely by choice to wear a new fashionable North Face Any Weather Arctic Protection raincoat to PMQ's this week, just 'for comfort' instead of the usual business attire.
Mr Kwarteng, meanwhile, commented that the coins which hit him as he left number 10 last week - arriving in a barrage with the expected choruses of derogatory chants about "You've got no Tax, now you've got no job!" from the rowdy press pack - were shown to be low value currency overall, but he scooped them up anyway to put in the "government spending plan" piggy bank they had inside which now had more than a tenner in it in total.