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Kwasi Kwarteng finds his after-dinner speaker jobs dry up

'Politicians famously make lots of money from the after-dinner speaker circuit,' said a promoter today, 'so when one of them loses their job I usually phone around to see if anyone wants them to speak - drop in a few tasty gossip notes with their anecdotes,' said Barry, a promotor, today. 'So, when I saw that Kwarteng had been asked to be sacked or told to stand aside - you choose - I thought "here's an opportunity" and started to make calls. It became obvious that nobody was interested,' he added.

'Turns out, last time he stood up to speak for fifteen minutes it cost £60 billion. Nobody can afford to book him for an hour,' he said.

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