Vince Cable resigns, having taken Liberals 'as far as he can'

Twenty-four hours after becoming leader of the Liberal Democrats, Vince Cable has resigned his position saying that he has taken the party to the limit of its potential and it was now time for someone else to take up the reins.

'It has been a roller coaster ride,' said Cable 74; 'there have been great highs and great lows, but I feel that the day after I became leader is the right time to quit as I have nothing more I can offer.'

Cable won the coveted position after a tightly fought race between himself and no other candidates, at a time when the Liberal Party was still reeling from a disastrous general election performance. He promised 'change, renewal and hope', but in the end it was just a question of helping himself to a few packets of post-it notes from the stationery cupboard and then slipping out the back.

‘I wish my successor every good fortune,’ said Cable. ‘I leave this party one day older but otherwise pretty much the same.’ A new leader will be chosen by exhaustive ballot as soon as someone else cracks and agrees to do it

.Story taken from '15 Years of Typos'

Thousand year Lib Dem reich ‘inevitable’

A huge Liberal Democrat swing in the Chesham and Amersham by election leaves Sir Ed Davey poised to usher in a thousand year Liberal Democrat Reich.

A party spokesman said ‘We’ll make that bitch Boris cry for his nanny, then approve a third Heathrow runway just to bury Starmer under. Brothers and sisters… Lib Dem 4 life!’

Rumours have swirled that the improvement stems from a ritualised execution of Nick Clegg, as ashes in the shape of a pentagram were seen being hurriedly swept away.

‘His fiery death was required by the great god Osiris to purge the tuition fees debacle.’

All current Liberal Democrat MPs could still fit in one minibus.

Centrist voter Naveed Nasir said ‘In 2010, I voted Lib Dem. I suppose it’s the hope that kills you, unless it’s the flames, or that minibus.’

Sarah Green bye-election win inspires kids of other TV stars

After 1980's kids' TV presenter, Sarah Green, won the Chesham and Amersham by election for the Lib Dems, with a resounding majority, Newsbiscuit has learned that other former children's TV favourites are considering a career in politics.

A spokesperson for broom cupboard loiterer and squeaky hand puppet, Gordon the Gopher, told us that he intends to stand in the Scottish local elections this Autumn, while, we hear, the Krankies and Neil Buchanan are hoping to start their own Scottish independence party, The Fandabidozi Alliance.

They, of course, are not the first TV presenters to enter into a career in politics. Both Brian Waldren and Clement Freud had successful political and television careers and who can forget that time Live and Kicking funny men, Trev and Simon, tried to overthrow the fascist regime in Bolivia in the early 2000s?

Newly elected MP Sarah Green, told our reporter, "I'm not that Sarah Greene. It's not even spelled the same way."