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First woman to reach adulthood without committing crime says it's all thanks to Doctor Who

A major milestone was reached yesterday as Annie Briggs from Stevenage became the first woman in history to reach adulthood without committing a single crime. She believes that growing up with a female lead in the only show on television was key to keeping her on the straight and narrow. 'I'm very proud to have achieved this milestone for women,' Briggs said at a special press conference, 'and I owe it all to Jodie Whittaker for playing Doctor Who on TV. Before that, we thought that the moral principles of a fictional time lord could only apply to men, so I might as well just go and kill someone, but now thanks to Jodie we know it's actually women they apply to exclusively.' The news provides a much needed positive boost as society continues to struggle with the sudden onslaught of roaming gangs of young men who, bereft of male role models on television, have taken to the streets looting, murdering and making ritual sacrifices to the Kray twins.

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